Tuesday, August 14, 2007

hodge podge

what i should be doing at this moment is working on my room...specifically making copies of the bajillion pages of notes and worksheets that the other math teachers put together last year. i was supposed to already have a copy, but apparently the teacher that left took it with her.


i can't seem to do anything but sit in my chair and stare at things.

mainly because i have this incredible sense of uneasiness.

it doesn't help that i dropped jacob off for his second day of "school" this morning only to leave him screaming as i walked out the door. yesterday, he just ran off and started playing. of course, i was heartbroken then because he didn't even care to tell me bye. but the thought of my baby not wanting to stay somewhere for whatever's a new place, he didn't have a good time yesterday, he just wants to be with his kills me. it's an entirely different heartbreak. i have to fight the urge to drive over there right now and pick him up. i'm sure once i got there he wouldn't want to leave because he was having such a good time. it saddens me so much.

i also cannot get my husband off my mind. he's only been gone one night and we have two more to go. i don't know if i can make it. i just want to call him and tell him he's needed at home. who cares about his job. of course, that's not even an option, but i wish. aside from the almost unbearable fear i have of staying at home by myself, i can't shake this feeling of aloneness right now. i want him to be here with me, hold me, tell me everything is okay. ask me why i'm crying and tell me it's okay when i say i don't know.

dear Jesus,
if there's even the slightest possibility that my husband could come home tomorrow, please make it happen. i feel lost without him.
and more importantly, wrap Your comforting arms around my little boy right now. make this transition easy for him (and me). help him to dive in and love every minute.
Lord, give me the confidence to be a good teacher this year. give me the wisdom i need and the character to portray You through me.
thank you for this living being growing inside me. continue to keep it healthy and prospering. (and please let the sonogram reveal what we're having on september 17!)
please be with the workers as they build our new home. help them to have sturdy hands and strong morals to do the job properly.
Lord, thank you for this blog. what a blessing is has been to me...the words You provide through others are so amazing. You do work through everything.
finally, dear Jesus, wrap Your comforting arms around me. help me to feel Your overwhelming sense of joy and peace.
i love you.


no_iffer said...

I promise it will get easier. I promise. Anytime our little ones have an adjustment to go through, it is twice as hard on us mommies. He will begin to like his new school and you will settle into your classroom and it will all be great. It's just such a hard time of year - take it one day at a time.

seph said...

aw, crys. i'm praying for you. i know that feeling of just sitting and feeling alone. how wonderful that you know who to run right to -- Jesus. i know He will continue to comfort you in this time of transition. He loves you so much.

kdp said...

it will get easier to leave jacob. and remember they usually stop crying and fussing just a few short moments after you leave. i have been on both sides of the daycare situation, both as a teacher and a parent.

i know what it is like to have your husband gone. it does get easier. i just pray that God give you perfect sweet peace. rest in His arms. and before you know it Jerry will be back.

beautiful chaos said...

Awwww, buddy....
It must be so hard. I have not been in your exact situation, but just know that I am praying for you, and all my mommy friends that are about to have to once again leave their babies in the coming weeks. Hang in there!
Kiddos take so much comfort in their routines, once he gets back into it, he'll be bummed out when he doesn't get to go to his place for a day! You''ll see...