okay, so i'm a woman in the early stages of pregnancy (not sure how early)...i'm emotional...that's a given.
but it's just getting ridiculous.
one day i am so excited that i have another baby growing inside of me and i can't wait to see him or her.
the next day, i'm scared out of my mind at having another baby.
i'm scared of how jacob will react. will he feel neglected? will he still feel loved? will he be jealous? will he understand?
and my husband...we already barely have time together. what will it be like when we have two kids running around? will he feel neglected? will he still feel loved? will he be jealous? will he understand?
but then, there's me. how will i react? this scares me the most. from best i can guess at this point, i'm thinking probably late january or february as a due date. for most, probably not a big deal.
for me...right smack in the middle of tax season!
i remember when i had jacob, i was so overwhelmed after bringing him home. i truly thought i might go into depression. not because i didn't want him, but because it was the most life changing experience one could ever have. i look back now and think, "how could i ever have felt that way?"
he is my precious baby boy.
but now, i'm going to have another. will i be a good mom? will i be able to stretch myself enough to love my husband, my first born, and another? yes, i know God will provide. but at this moment, i'm terrified.
how will i be able to wake up all hours of the night with a newborn and still have the energy to read a book with my son? how can i make him feel that he is my first born and will always hold my heart?
oh, on top of all this, my friends are moving away, my in-laws are probably getting a divorce, my mom lives two hours away and jerry will be working 60-70 hours a week!
not only that, but i don't even have disability insurance. do you know what that means??
i'll be teaching up until the day i deliver and have to go back to work 4 or 5 weeks later at the latest, because we don't have enough money for me to take more time off!
you know, all these thoughts have been in the back of my mind. i just keep pushing it all back and try not to let it come out. at this point, the only evidence i've had of having a baby is the positive test and unusually fast growing belly!
but not now. the gloves are off. the emotions have come out. there's no turning back.
i'm having another baby.
(expect a posting at a later time of the joys i'm experiencing.)