bittersweet.

it's monday which means we're only two days away from meeting our baby girl. for so long it felt so far away. now i can't believe it's so close.

i'm currently flooded with all kinds of different feelings...anxious for her arrival, nervous about the delivery, happy that it's almost here, scared that something could go wrong, worried about how the boys will react, and mostly just ready.

but i'm also filled with feelings that are bittersweet. i'm brought back to a few months ago...december. december is when i thought we would be welcoming our third child into the world. obviously, God had other plans for us.

i have no understanding as to why things turned out the way they did...other than God is in control. i have total peace in that. i'm reminded a lot lately of the moments that surrounded when we found out and the days that followed. the pain and tears come flooding back every time.

my comfort comes in knowing that one day we will meet. one day, i will hold my third child...i believe to be a baby girl. i will kiss her and hug her and tell her how much i love her.

until then, sweet baby, rest in the arms of Jesus....afterall, what better place to be.

t ball.

jacob had his first t ball game on tuesday. does he seriously not look gigantic in this picture?! my baby is growing up. i can't even imagine how big i'm going to think he is once mya gets here...especially since sarah reminded me last night that there will be SIX years between my oldest and youngest child! thanks, sarah! :)

 getting ready to bat.

running to third.

he gets distracted easily. :)

waiting for the ball...or just posing.

look at that adorable, determined face.

yes, he had to be catcher for an inning. that gear swallowed him up. definitely not what he wants to play.

this will be a big part of our life for the next couple of months. one practice and one to two games a week...he's loving it though.

almost there.

i went to the doctor today. after waiting over two hours because she got called out for an emergency c-section...again...she pushed on my belly and said baby girl is still head down. yay! and then she checked my cervix. i'm dilated to between two and three centimeters right now. we have the induction scheduled for next wednesday, march 30, if mya's stubborn enough to wait that long. i truly believe she is. :)

this all leads me to the true reality that this is actually happening. for so long, i felt like it was forever away. now we're just over a week out...at the most. i have quite the to-do list going for before she arrives. not much of it involves actual preparation for her, just things i'd like to have done so i don't have to worry about them once she gets here. still, i'm starting to get a little nervous.

i mean, i'm going to have a GIRL! i still can't believe it.

i absolutely cannot wait to see her sweet face. and to know what color her hair is going to be. :)

soon you will be in my arms, baby girl. soon.

maternity pictures

just so i could say i had some taken, i asked jenny to get a few maternity shots before mya decides to make her appearance. i LOVE them! the light was amazing, and of course, jenny was right on.

there are a few more...i just haven't made it to editing them yet.

a few new additions.

in the past few weeks, i've added a few things to mya's nursery. mostly thanks to my mom who's a shopping finatic. and remember, there's a trip to san antonio coming this weekend. i'm sure i will have many more things to add following that. for now, take a look at the most recent additions.

the first two sets of pictures are new crib sheets. i got the fabric from hobby lobby and our dear friend wendy loaned me her sewing skills and transformed the fabric into crib sheets. she did an amazing job! they fit perfectly.

then we have freshly washed onesies and sleepers. this drawer is all newborn stuff. some of it is long sleeve. the way the weather's been going lately, i don't see it being worn much. that first stack is short sleeved onesies...only about 10 of them. i'll be adding to that.

this drawer is the bigger stuff...from 3 months on up. again, lots of sleepers, not alot of onesies.

and then there's the blankets. the majority of these are aden + anais blankets. super thin and adorable. that gray one is actually just a piece of jersey fabric that i plan to use for newborn pictures.

her closet is looking much better. again, thanks to my mom. and that chair on the right was actually my great or great-great grandmother's. whichever it belonged to, it's old. that blanket is one that i recently found at a garage sale. i just like the look of it.

on another note, i had my 36-week check up today. my doctor is unable to tell whether mya is head up or head down at the moment. she can feel something round and hard at the top of my belly and also something round and hard at the bottom of my belly. now, for me, my thoughts automatically go to head size. if my doctor can't tell her head and butt apart by the size, it could either be really good or really bad. if she has my butt...bad. if she has jerry's...good. i'm hoping for the latter. :)

i go back in a week. at that time she'll do an ultrasound to determine how she's facing. if she's head down, we're good. if not, she's going to try to turn her. i'm not at all thrilled with that idea. i don't know what it entails, but it doesn't sound pleasant. of course, the alternative would be a c-section. i just want a healthy, baby girl. whatever course we have to take to accomplish that, we'll do. i'd just like it to be the easier, more natural one. :) pray for that, please.

a plan.

tomorrow i will be 34 weeks pregnant. it seriously feels like i should be at least 38 weeks. i'm just so ready. SO ready.

i went to the doctor today. before my appointment, i considered calling labor and delivery because i noticed mya's activity had decreased quite a bit compared to any other day. for a while, i just sat and pushed on my belly. i could feel her body, but nothing i did would get her to move. i was a little freaked out, to say the least. she finally gave me a kick and i had a slight sense of relief.

i went in at my normal time and told the nurse what was going on. anytime you say "decreased activity" when you're pregnant, you apparently get to be hooked up to a monitor for 20 or 30 minutes. it wasn't a bad deal considering my doctor 's on-call days are tuesdays and she had been called over to the hospital for a while anyway.

turns out, everything was okay. mya was apparently just sleeping well...something she rarely does. seriously. the child is always moving. nonetheless, heart rate was good, and she was moving more while i was hooked up to the monitor. doctor said she's an a+ baby. :)

she asked if i had any questions. i immediately said, "what are the chances of inducing early?" i'm in no hurry, as you can see.

she said we could induce at 39 weeks, which would be march 30. it's on the books. done.

so long as my body is "ready", that is.

so, that's the plan...as of now.

i've had two inductions so far and don't really foresee this pregnancy being any different. i'd kinda like to have the whole surprise labor starting experience, but i'm not willing to wait for it. :)

again, i'm in absolutely no hurry.

ha!

finally.

after posting on saturday that the bedding should arrive sometime that day, it only figures that it didn't. in fact, it didn't make it until yesterday. i've been stalking the ups website for over two weeks now waiting for it to come in. so frustrating.

but it's here now. so, without further ado, i present to you mya's (almost complete, but still lacking a few small detail items) nursery.

the view from the door and a close-up of the poms hanging from the ceiling. jerry is totally paranoid about one of these things falling from the ceiling and mya getting caught in the monofilament they're hanging from. touchy subject. :)

 the long-awaited bedding. i LOVE it! the ivory bumper and skirt are perfectly simple against the printed sheet. i plan to acquire a couple of other sheets in different patterns to have for back-up when accidents happen.

close-up of the sheet print. it's amy butler fabric. if you've never looked at her collection, you should!

 view from the other side of the crib.

some of the wall decor. this looks much smaller in the picture. in reality, it takes up the majority of the largest wall in her room. i'm in love with the whole arrangement. i still need more "stuff" for the dresser. i just need new places to shop. hopefully an upcoming trip to san antonio will solve that.

 the inside of her toybox currently filled with random stuff...bottles, blankets, sleepers, toys, etc.

other wall decor. this shelf hangs over the right corner of her bed next to a large mirror. i'm not totally satisfied with it, but this is the stuff i have to occupy it for now. the basket with the miniature poms hangs next to the closet door.

 the top drawer of the changing table (which i realized i didn't post a picture of and probably won't because i'm too lazy right now to take one, edit it and insert it in this post) is filled with the tiniest diapers ever. it's amazing how so many details get forgotten as your kids grow up. i can't imagine her being so small that she will need these tiny things.

this shelf hangs to the right of her closet door, and this "m" hangs over the left corner of her crib above the blue side table shown in a previous post.

 and last is the poorest excuse for a girl's closet i have ever seen. i'm not sure what's wrong with me. other than not having a ton of extra money to spend right now, i can see no other reason why i have not filled this thing to the brim with girls' clothes. again, hopefully that san antonio trip will solve this.

so the nursery is definitely on it's way to being ready for my girl. i would not be in any way heartbroken if she decided to arrive before i get it finished. :)

more valentine's stuff.

seeing as how i am officially a stay-at-home mom now, i've tried to embrace the role. i'm still learning how to cope without a set routine everyday, and that will most definitely be worse once this girl gets here...if ever! :) nonetheless, i've really tried to play the part, especially when it comes to the boys' school. i make cupcakes and go on field trips and attend all of their parties. valentine's was no exception.

i decided i would make the boys' valentines this year...right down to the envelopes. i had a different plan in mind, but couldn't find the right supplies, so this is what we ended up with.

6-inch square pieces of valentine-themed scrapbook paper. (6-inch because my paper is 12 in x 12 in, and all i did was fold it in half and half again and then cut. no measuring.)

plain white cardstock rectangles...for simplicity.

valentine's m&m's. i probably ate all of these after i took the picture.

wallet-sized valentine cards of my sweet boys. i made a "be mine" sign and took pictures of them on our bed. the black, white and gray decor in our room just seemed to go well. plus their bare feet were totally cute.

scissors, pencil and two-sided tape.

valentine's stickers to seal the envelopes.

i folded the paper to form the envelopes...it really wasn't as tedious as i thought it was going to be to make 40+ of these darling things. i stuffed in a valentine and had jacob count out 14 m&m's to put in each. (he got the reasoning right away...smart boy. :))

we sealed the envelope with the sticker. 

i had jacob pre-write the names, and then we taped them to the front of the envelopes. silver is his favorite color. i guess we should add a silver marker to the supply list.

and we ended up with this cute stack of handmade valentines.

success.

valentine's fun.

me, my boys, some flimsy letters, and a self timer...this is the best we could get after multiple attempts.

it was part of jerry's valentine from us.

almost an update.

Mya's bedding should be in today! It apparently got stuck in "adverse weather conditions" in Mesquite.

I can't wait! The room will be more on the complete side than not. Once it's in and I'm positive I'm in love with it, I'll post full nursery pics.

Now, all we need is a baby girl. My readiness (read: totally-over-pregnancy attitude) is a whole other post.

casen's third birthday.

the birthday boy.

his big present.

playing with jacob and his cousins, jaycee and garet.

the cake.

that spiderman actually spun around the cake. too cool.

the food setup.

lots of kids on that trampoline. surprisingly, i think we made it without one injury. :)

he's a little dramatic.

cheesy!

quite excited about lightning mcqueen.

and money. :)

i don't think he had even seen what this was at this point. just happy to be opening presents. :)

sleepy boy.

hey, mom does exist! :)