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Monday, March 28, 2011

bittersweet.

it's monday which means we're only two days away from meeting our baby girl. for so long it felt so far away. now i can't believe it's so close.

i'm currently flooded with all kinds of different feelings...anxious for her arrival, nervous about the delivery, happy that it's almost here, scared that something could go wrong, worried about how the boys will react, and mostly just ready.

but i'm also filled with feelings that are bittersweet. i'm brought back to a few months ago...december. december is when i thought we would be welcoming our third child into the world. obviously, God had other plans for us.

i have no understanding as to why things turned out the way they did...other than God is in control. i have total peace in that. i'm reminded a lot lately of the moments that surrounded when we found out and the days that followed. the pain and tears come flooding back every time.

my comfort comes in knowing that one day we will meet. one day, i will hold my third child...i believe to be a baby girl. i will kiss her and hug her and tell her how much i love her.

until then, sweet baby, rest in the arms of Jesus....afterall, what better place to be.

1 comment:

seph said...

oh, crystal. how bittersweet, indeed. i love that you recognize that you're having your 4th child in mya, that your 3rd is already in heaven. what a wondeful reunion that will be. i can't wait to meet her either! praying peace and comfort and strength for you these next couple of days. and i know mya's birth day will be a glorious success. so close and so exciting!