His faithfulness

you'll have to catch up on the previous posts (both written in the last 20 minutes) to know what i'm babbling about but...

i was going through some old stuff and just happened to open a book to this devotion.

Bound to Perfection

"God says that perfect love casts out fear.
When we discover God's perfect
love for us, our fear of failure, rejection,
and of being forgotten simply fades
away, and the beauty of Christ's light
warms our hearts toward all those around
us."

thank you, Jesus, for your never-ending faithfulness. thank you for always sending the right words, whether through a devotion, a blog, another person, or whatever you see fit. anytime i begin to doubt myself and let the devil in, you're there pushing him out...claiming me as your own. i love you.

already...

feeling guilty.

i'm tempted to remove the previous post, but i won't...so you people can know that i am normal...i think!

how could anyone be mad at this little face??

i love you, baby!

looks

do you ever find yourself walking in public and feeling every eye upon you...particularly when you have children?

lately i've felt like i'm one of "those" moms and i have one of "those" kids. like every eye is watching me and judging my every move.

i have been so incredibly blessed with my family...my husband...my son. if you had told me about 10 years ago, this is how my life would be, i would've laughed in your face. i couldn't ask for anything more...

except...

the looks.

what's with them? is it all in my head?

jacob just turned two, and i believe he's embracing it and everything that comes with it...aka...the terrible two's.

he is a wonderful little boy and i know it. just lately he's acting so different than normal. it's putting me to the test...or preparing me for the next?!

when i see the things i get a little frustrated at, i look back at the end of the day and realize how lucky i am that that's all i have to worry about. but in the heat of the moment, i just can't see it. i feel so guilty after getting frustrated with him for talking too much or pulling out too many toys or running around like a normal boy.

(when i look back at this post tomorrow, i'm going to feel really guilty.)

of course, anytime i think i need a break from him, i'm gone for 10 minutes and wishing i was back with him again.

the point, you ask?

when people look at me, i want them to think, "wow, there's something different about her. she's got it together. look how she handles things."

not, "wow, she needs a break. learn how to handle your child."

i want people to look at me and smile...not snarl.

can you sense the frustration?

abc's

here's jacob's rendition of the abc's. he started learning them on saturday and sang the whole song today! (minus a letter or two...)

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icing on the cake

dark birthday cake icing makes for very interesting diaper changes...need i say more?!

my sweet husband

these 12 amazingly beautiful roses awaited me friday morning when my husband came back from the gym.

i just love him!

according to my 2 year old...

the letters above his head spell "jacob".

"mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys."

what else can i say?

no words can describe...

how wonderful it is to HEAR the voice of God.

happy birthday!

do these little boys look any different to you?

they are completely different to me.

the one on the left is a 1 year old (taken only yesterday)...the one on the right is a 2 year old!

my baby boy is 2 today! can you even believe it? it seems like yesterday i was holding him in my arms for the first time.

we went out to eat last night with jerry's dad. jacob is always well behaved at restaurants. he has the occasional testiness where he wants to get out of his highchair, but other than that, he just sits and enjoys the time.

this older lady was sitting across from us. she asked how old he was and i told her.

she said, "you've done an amazing job raising that boy!"

raising him? that made me so sad. to think, in a blink of an eye, he'll be 18, have a girlfriend, move out, go to college...before you know it, he'll be married and having kids of his own...my grandchildren!

this is an emotional day.

and here's a look back at a year ago. incredible how he's changed!


happy birthday, to my sweet baby boy!

amazing

in going over my e-mails, i came across an update that i routinely get on a teacher at lake view. he has cancer and has been struggling for about a year, i think. it could be longer. he's had tons of surgeries, thought the cancer was gone, they did more tests and it's back. he is very young, probably mid-30's and has small children. he is known as "happy".

the post before this stated that he was in his 11th hour of surgery. they had removed part of his stomach and his entire esophagus. this is the post following his surgery. (these are all written by his wife.)

Good morning to all......Last night I got to stay with Brandon while he was in ICU. He was on a ventilator and completely sedated. By 7:30 this morning he started waking up a little confused and scared. I talked with him to let him know that things went well and he was doing well. By 10:00 a.m. this morning the breathing tube was out and he wanted to watch ESPN (That is the Brandon we all know and love!!!) HE IS DOING WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His vitals are stable and is pain is being controlled with an epidural. I can attest to the fact that those things work HA. He has 4 major incisions. One is from the belly button to his chest. That is where they did the resections. One is on his sternum. They had to remove a little bit of his sternum to get to the esophageal connections. One is across his neck where they reconnected everything. He actually has some intestines exposed on the outside of his neck; which is quite interesting. This allows doctors to make sure that the new connections are getting adequate blood flow. The last incision is on his foot where they did a vein graft. He has a feeding tube, 2 drains, a chest tube and a tube in his nose that is controlling all of the bile in his bowels. They gave him 5 units of blood as well just because of the extent of the surgery. I know this seems like a lot, but I wish you all could see him. He has shaken all of the doctors hands and his ready to be on the road to recovery. He is amazing me every minute right now!! Thank you all for all of the encouraging words. I can't explain how much strength it gives me right now. I know that it will do the same with Brandon. I was hoping to take the laptop into ICU and read all of these but I have to wait until he gets his own room. We love all of you!!!! Jenny

this woman and this family amazes me. they have been struggling for such a long time and have an unwavering faith! she doesn't complain about how sad it is to see her husband lying there in this condition or whine because this seems like a never-ending battle. she focuses on the positive. "HE IS DOING WONDERFUL!" she says.

amazing.

heartbeat

today was my 2nd doctor's appointment. jerry and jacob got to be there. this is the one where we get to hear the baby's heartbeat!

i go in and step on the dreaded scale...minus 2 pounds. shocking!

i'll enjoy it while i can.

we wait an unusually short amount of time for the doc to come in. she gets out her "doppler thingy" to listen for the heartbeat. she's moving it around for a couple of minutes...nothing. not a sound.

my heart is beating 90 mph.

she said it's challenging sometimes to hear the heartbeat as early as 11 weeks. we'll just go take a look on the ultrasound.

my pregnancy with jacob was just too easy...this one has been an emotional roller coaster.

walking to the ultrasound room, i was so scared.

she put the "wand" on my belly and immediately, there it was. our little miracle, with it's heart beating away.

thank you, jesus!

before i formed you in the womb, i knew you. before you were born, i set you apart. jeremiah 1:5

expectation

i just heard this song for the first time a few weeks ago on a sunday night.

it absolutely melted my heart.

i can't even begin to describe the feelings of worship, devotion, love, and yearning that were stirred inside me. (and the beautiful voice of christal noland certainly didn't hurt it any!)

the words are so simple, yet so powerful.

the more i seek you
the more i find you
the more i find you
the more i love you

i want to sit at your feet
drink from the cup in your hand
lay back against you and breathe
feel your heart beat

this love is so deep
it's more than i can stand
i melt in your peace
it's overwhelming

it was sung again in last night's service. it's like i was hearing it again for the first time.

doug eccles spoke on why God moves in one place or one person and not another...is it the location, the timing, the speaker, the audience?

his answer...

EXPECTATION

one word...amazing how it puts things into perspective.

yes, the song is wonderful and the words hit home...but the song is not the source of my feelings.

when i hear the song begin to play, i immediately EXPECT God to stir something in my heart.

and what do you know? He comes through every time.

that first sunday i heard the song, i just cried out to God.

"Lord, i want to sit at your feet, drink from your cup, feel your heart beat. i can't wait for the day when i can just sit and bask in your overwhelming glory."

His answer...

"what are you waiting for?"

so long ago

i'm sitting at lake view today. i volunteered to proctor a couple days of summer taks testing to make some extra cash. pretty easy work.

i was looking on my computer at all my files and came across pictures of jacob.

this is my all-time favorite. it was taken on valentine's day 2006. he was 7 months old!

it barely looks like him. look at his chubby face. i can hardly believe it!



it seems like yesterday, he was still letting me swaddle him like a baby.

now when i do it, he looks at me and says, "oh, the baby!"

what has happened here?

little sister

here are some pics of my sister and her new fiance.

my baby

two months

tomorrow i will be two months pregnant. it's really hard to believe it's only two months. i guess because i found out so early, it feels like i should be farther along.

anyway, i'm posting today because we're going out of town tomorrow and will be gone the whole weekend.

we're going to a rodeo in my hometown. jacob's going to love it!

so, here's my two-month picture. the last one was at almost 7 weeks, so there's not much change. (thank goodness!) hopefully we can keep it that way for a while...at least weight wise.



(for those of you who didn't see the first picture, know that this belly is in no way baby...just leftover from jacob.)

our new home...

well, soon anyway.

here's the land. they finally started working on it.

we're shooting for october 15, but if it keeps raining, who knows when it'll be finished.

4th of july

here are some pics from the 4th of july picnic. we had so much fun!


jacob pouring water on m.'s head. (hope you don't mind, e.)


eating after all that swimming.


looking so cute.


getting in a kiss. (filling in for michael.)


chasing bubbles.


top it all off with a cupcake.

little boys...

yesterday, jacob and i are making our daily drive out by our lot to see, if by some miracle, they have actually started working on it.

they have!! they finally broke ground. i'll post a picture later.

so, as we're leaving, being the pregnant woman i am, i realize i just drank like 3 glasses of water at lunch and i still have errands to run. i hate public restrooms!

i call kylah.

me: "hi, what are you doing?"

kylah: "nothing..." (without giving her a chance to go on)

me: "are you at home?"

kylah: "yes."

me: "do you mind if we come by? i could really use your restroom!" (as i had already turned on to her street.)

we sat and talked for a while. it was very nice. i've been staying at home most days, all day long with jacob. some adult conversation is pretty good.

jacob's running around the house like he owns the place, when all of the sudden he stops on the side of the couch.

he lays his head down and starts making a noise.

me: "baby, what are you doing??"

jacob: (looking up at me with the reddest face ever) "making poo poos."

and off he goes to play again.

little boys...