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Friday, July 27, 2007

looks

do you ever find yourself walking in public and feeling every eye upon you...particularly when you have children?

lately i've felt like i'm one of "those" moms and i have one of "those" kids. like every eye is watching me and judging my every move.

i have been so incredibly blessed with my family...my husband...my son. if you had told me about 10 years ago, this is how my life would be, i would've laughed in your face. i couldn't ask for anything more...

except...

the looks.

what's with them? is it all in my head?

jacob just turned two, and i believe he's embracing it and everything that comes with it...aka...the terrible two's.

he is a wonderful little boy and i know it. just lately he's acting so different than normal. it's putting me to the test...or preparing me for the next?!

when i see the things i get a little frustrated at, i look back at the end of the day and realize how lucky i am that that's all i have to worry about. but in the heat of the moment, i just can't see it. i feel so guilty after getting frustrated with him for talking too much or pulling out too many toys or running around like a normal boy.

(when i look back at this post tomorrow, i'm going to feel really guilty.)

of course, anytime i think i need a break from him, i'm gone for 10 minutes and wishing i was back with him again.

the point, you ask?

when people look at me, i want them to think, "wow, there's something different about her. she's got it together. look how she handles things."

not, "wow, she needs a break. learn how to handle your child."

i want people to look at me and smile...not snarl.

can you sense the frustration?

7 comments:

La said...

I know what you're talking about. I remember clearly when John David was that age and always feeling that he was so out of control! Especially since most all of the kids his age at church were girls. I was just plain embarrassed sometimes. But I've learned that he is a boy. Period. God made them differently. They do not sit quietly and play with dolls. They run around loudly making obnoxious noises. They like to play fight. They like to get stinky and dirty. They mess up their hair and think it's funny to make bodily noises, no matter how many times they are told it is NOT funny.

Jacob is a boy and while you have to expect him to obey, you do not have to expect him to act like a prim and proper little girl.

People will always look. How do you know they aren't looking because they think he's cute or because you're doing a good job, not a bad one? Even if they do think you're doing a bad one, shake it off. People without kids just don't get it.

My kids are not perfect, but they know how to obey. When they don't they are disciplined. Consistency is the biggest thing I've had to learn as a mom. Usually when my kids are not doing right, it's because of us. We correct what we're doing and they fall in line.

Whenever I have taken care of Jacob, I find him to be wonderful. He obeys, he's not rough, he plays contentedly, and even gives a kiss if you ask him too! =) For what it's worth, I think you are doing a great job and you'll keep getting better and better. Don't sweat it. I think all moms feel what you're feeling. I'm sure the comments will come pouring in soon enough to prove it. =)

marme said...

I think those looks are just for such a pretty girl and her beautiful, red-headed baby boy!

That's what I think!

kj said...

la's right, my friend. you are a fabulous mom. i've been with you in public enough to know that you handle situations was grace and ease. when jacob started crying in wal-mart the other day. you stopped and had a small conversation with him and he calmed down. now, how many two year olds do that? you're doing a fantastic job, just remember that!

Team-D said...

Children will give you lots of moments when you think that you are not doing the right thing. But the one thing I realized was God will help out were I am not enought. I also learned the hard way (screaming child in WalMart) that even the best mother will have their moments. And those people that look at you are either been there and how or don't have a clue and should not be giving that look. I understand that it hurts and I also know like everyone else that you are a great mother and I have never had any problems with him!!!!
Stick in their it will get better and look for the good times because all the bad fads away after going through it. From my mother!

PB&J said...

I have a two year old and I love her very much.

Do you see a but coming?

She drives me a little insane most days.

jaronxaveryxano said...

Gracious me!
I have seen your perfect little family in stores and such...
If you are getting "snarls" which I seriously doubt - it could be that you have landed directly in the wake of my family!!
No, I refuse to believe that anyone could possibly be judgmental towards you, "They're just admiring you and your perfect little family"

I have spent FAR too much time in motherhood doing and saying things, not because I believed it for myself (or the benefit of my children) but because I was really self-conscious about my ability to mother and what people 'must be thinking.'

My single biggest regret in motherhood (so far) is worrying more about what people are thinking than what my child needs to gleam from this experience.

The mantle of responsibility in parenting is so huge. Burdensome at times. If I could go back and undo all the times I have reacted to someone's "glares" in a way that neither solved the problem nor built character, I would.

Please don't fall into that trap.
You are a wonderful mother. Full of nurturing ways. Just be you and J. will turn out beautifully!

no_iffer said...

First of all, I must second everything that everyone has said. You are a fantastic mother and Jacob is wonderful. Motherhood is so challenging because there is no gradebook at the end of the day. I wish that every day someone would tell me something like, "The way you handled that situation with Mason peeing in the flowerbed was perfect. Now, let's talk about what you did when he interrupted your phone call." But, sadly, no such luck. We just do all the things all these moms said. Our best. And you so clearly are. Jacob is great. And you are great. And ignore the looks. Some people are just stupid.
Don't tell Mason that I said stupid. That is one rule that has stuck. :)