i've been working on this post for a few days now. i even have a different draft saved that i would have to edit so much it's not even worth it.
to say the least...i'm struggling.
with what, you ask? i know the majority of you are thinking, what could possibly be affecting this calm, cool, collected person, right?
that's just it. i'm this calm, cool, collected person.
that is a problem.
i've got personality issues.
i'm surrounded by bold, bubbly, loving, genuine, straightforward friends and where do i fit in?
i'm the QUIET one.
i really never saw it as a problem...until now.
apparently after four years of marriage, my husband still can't read me. i have such a monotone composure that my emotions are not clear. there's very little difference between happy and sad.
i hate that!
it is also an apparent issue with my job. i'm told i don't smile enough. i don't laugh enough. i don't let the kids see the real me.
what is the real me, for goodness sakes??
i know who i want it to be.
at 26 years old, i've had the same personality my whole life. i'm supposed to change it now?!?!
sure. that'll be easy.
considering it has taken everything in me to push "publish post" for all to see how messed up i am!