unmistakable voice

i've always struggled with knowing whether the voice i thought i was hearing was that of God or just my mind working overtime. the past few days, i have heard HIM. i feel Him speaking to me. i will think a question and He will answer me.

i'm still working on my relationship with Him...mainly just trying to keep myself committed. but the past few days, i have felt so close to my Jesus.

and yes, sometimes the things He's telling me are not pleasant.

for instance, "am I not the same on wednesday as I am on sunday? worship ME regardless of the day or song!"

or, "you keep asking for boldness and opportunity. I'm giving it to you. use it!"

jerry and i have been struggling with issues of money lately...not really "lack of"...i mean, we're fine. it just seems like every time we get ahead and have a little extra, something comes up. we just want to be able to enjoy it...buy our children something, not pay another stinkin' medical bill!

yesterday, we got an unexpected check in the mail. it was for an over-estimation on our taxes for our house. i began praying about what to do with it. should we hold it because something is going to come up? what should we do?

His answer, "you have been faithful to Me. I am faithful to you."

this morning, i was reading in my bible about the life of Jesus and His disciples. in my morning readings, i just started at the new testament and have been reading in order for a few weeks. this morning, i asked for a specific verse.

he gave me Genesis 4:3. "And in the process of time it came to pass that Cain brought an offering of the fruit of the ground to the Lord."

at first i was thinking, okay, this was just my own head telling me this verse. it was not from God. but then i began to think about it. cain brought an offering to the Lord...part of his crop...something he had grown.

i began to pray and ask God what i had to give to him? what could i bring to the table? this train of thought brought on a prayer about me and my talents. how can i be used for His kingdom? what can i do? what should i be doing? is teaching where i need to be? is it my calling?

when i got to school this morning, i had this in my e-mail:

Daily Devotional by Max Lucado
“the One who came still comes and the One who spoke still speaks”

March 28
Uniquely You

He gave…to each according to his ability.
Matthew 25:15 (NKJV)

Da Vinci painted one Mona Lisa. Beethoven composed one Fifth Symphony. And God made one version of you. He custom designed you for a one-of-a-kind assignment. Mine like a gold digger the unique-to-you nuggets from your life….

When God gives an assignment, he also gives the skill. Study your skills, then, to reveal your assignment.

Look at you. Your uncanny ease with numbers. Your quenchless curiosity about chemistry. Others stare at blueprints and yawn; you read them and drool. “I was made to do this,” you say.

Our Maker gives assignments to people, “to each according to each one’s unique ability.” As he calls, he equips. Look back over your life. What have you consistently done well? What have you loved to do? Stand at the intersection of your affections and successes and find your uniqueness.


From: Cure for the Common Life
Copyright (W Publishing Group, 2005) Max Lucado

this was not an audible answer, but does it have to be?? hello! when God gives an assignment, He also gives the skill?!?!

my new quest: what is my skill??

let me just say...

some of you people have been busy!!

i only skipped one day of checking blogs and there are millions of posts. how will i ever have time to get caught up??

i'll condense mine into one post. here's what's been going on with us...

• i've been home half a day with jacob. i took him to daycare this morning knowing he wasn't feeling well. his teacher took a look at him and decided to take his temperature...99.6...he can't stay with anything over 99.4! so, i took him to school with me and jerry came and picked him up. he took the morning shift and i the afternoon. i haven't gotten anything done because i have had him laying pretty much on me all afternoon...which i love, by the way. i've also had casen. he did take a 3-hour nap this afternoon. nothing short of a God thing.
• if you read ang's comment from the previous post about the skull, the story is that the shirt was his easter shirt for daycare. the design was a surprise when we ordered them. imagine the shock of seeing that skull on an easter shirt...not to mention that at halloween, the kids couldn't wear super hero costumes because some kids might get scared. jacob took one look at his easter shirt and called it his monster shirt. how ridiculous is that?!?!
• casen is starting to really coo and almost laugh lately. his personality is developing. it's so fun. he will be 8 weeks tomorrow! and most of you have noticed he's not starving. i've already gotten rid of all of his newborn clothes and the 0-3 months stuff will be going soon. jacob was still wearing 3 months clothes at 6 months. in fact, right now, he has a pair of shorts that are 6-12 months! he'll be 3 in four months!
• jerry is still working like crazy. only three more weeks and tax season will be over! i could have a full saturday with my hubby soon...if i'm not put second to golf, that is.
• most of you know already, but just in case, jerry was elected as the newest deacon of the church. i am so proud of him! what a wonderful man of God he is becoming.
• what a great network of friends i have. seriously...i have never felt so connected. it's amazing! i can't wait for summer.
• jerry and i had our first night alone since jacob was born on friday night. my parents were here and kept the boys and let us have their hotel room. we were asleep by 10:30!
• not getting a paycheck really stinks! we were prepared for it, but for some reason, our budget isn't doing too well this month. we're pretty much out of groceries and don't get paid until monday! luckily, jacob pretty much lives off milk.
• i don't think i've posted about this yet. jerry and i are going to vegas right after school is out! i can't wait. i love my boys, but i'm ready to get away!
• only 9 1/2 weeks of school left! that in itself makes me very happy!
• casen will be moving to his room tonight. he's been sleeping in our room in his bassinet. hopefully, the transition will be smoothe.
• i am NOT a fan of telemarketers! i know that is totally random, but as i'm typing, one is calling. annoying!!
• i'm 7 pounds away from pre-pregnancy weight. i'm about 12-15 away from where i would like to be. i hate dieting! i guess some exercise would probably help.

i think i'll stop the randomness now. my train of thought is derailing...something to do with a sick 2-year old and a hungry 2-month old...

my boys

torn

i'm sitting here this morning in the quiet.

i have been up for less than an hour.

i have had a shower.

i have had breakfast...if you could call it that...a 90 calorie special k bar.

my youngest is sleeping away.

he went to sleep for the night around 10:00, woke up at 3:00, had a bottle, went back to sleep, woke up at 6:00, had another bottle, went back to sleep, woke up at 9:00, had half a bottle, and is now asleep again.

my oldest...is not here.

my parents are in town and being the big boy that he thinks he is, i refuse to accept it, he decided he wanted to spend the night with papa and grandma in their hotel room.

it's really quite sad.

don't get me wrong, the quiet house is very nice...but i miss my baby. i called this morning and he was watching cartoons in bed with papa. such a cute picture. i wish i could see it. =(

soon, he will return. soon, i will be going insane from all the "hey momma's".

but soon...i will have my baby back.

spring break

it's FINALLY here!

and i get to spend a whole week with this guy!



jacob will be at daycare until thursday.
then i'll have four days with both my boys!

the good ol' days...

when i could look down and not see my belly.




and i had collar bones.

and arms.

the sacrifices we make for our babies...

the bus story

some of you may have been wondering what the heck the "bus story" is from kj's comment on the previous post.

the other day, i was taking jacob to school. we were spelling various words on the way. i would say a letter and he would repeat it. we spelled words like "spiderman", "car", "jacob", etc.

we saw a school bus. i asked jacob if he wanted to spell "bus". of course he did. he was so excited.

here's how it went...

me: B!

jacob: B!

me: U!

jacob: ME!

now if you ask him how to spell bus, he says "b - me!".

we never made it to the s because i was laughing so hard.

things to remember

i just started thinking today about all the funny, quirky things jacob does. i wanted to write them down so i would remember them.

• he already has a girlfriend...her name is camryn.
• he says his kisses are only for miss kristen...one of his teachers.
• he has to have everything red at daycare...red cup, red cubby, even red cupcake...after all, that's the color of spiderman.
• he'll take anything if you say it's something to do with spiderman...white spiderman shirt, black spiderman shoes, red spiderman shoes, even spiderman noodles (which are really wagon wheels but resemble spider webs)...he doesn't care, as long as he thinks it's spiderman.
• he says "piecle puzzes" instead of puzzle pieces.
• he thinks peter parker's friend's name is barry instead of harry...that's on spiderman, if you couldn't guess.
• he likes to sing along with toy story, mickey mouse, and yes, even spiderman.
• he likes to steal mine or jerry's seat as soon as we get up. he thinks it's a game.
• he replaces any "c" or "k" sound with a "t" and any "l" with a "w"...for example, instead of saying kylah, he says tywah.
• he loves stickers...so much so that he has to keep his nursery sticker on all day...sometimes he has to transfer it to his pajamas and sleep with it.
• he knows where all of his toys go. if you put one in the wrong cubby, he gets it out and puts it in the correct one.
• he says his sentences over and over until you repeat it back to him word for word and he knows you've got it.
• he's started talking to his toys...he gets mad at them when they don't "cooperate".

i can't wait to share these with him when he gets old enough to laugh at himself.

first day back

yesterday was my first day back at work...my first day away from my new baby.

it was...we'll say less than wonderful.

i had to yell...i had to give the "how we act with a sub" spill...i had to give the "emotional roller coaster of leaving a 4-week old baby" spill...i had to threaten to be a cold, mean teacher the rest of the school year if things didn't straighten up.

first day!!! give me a break!!!

i left casen with sarah.

i didn't cry...that is until i saw this.

it was so hard to see my baby there without me.

but thanks so much, sarah, for the play-by-play. it definitely helped me through the day. i loved reading about what he was doing!

what's the plan for today, you ask?

a TEST!

yes, a test. they will come in, sit down, take their test, and i will sit at my desk and marvel in the silence...until someone speaks out and i have to yell at them. =)