Tuesday, December 18, 2007

i can't even think of words to sum this up.

is it bad that i am so incredibly not prepared for a newborn?

i mean, in reality, he could come ANYTIME. granted, nothing has changed from the last doctor's visit...unless of course, you consider that my contractions are becoming a little more painful and i'm feeling a small sense of pressure down there. i really don't think it's anything to worry's just different than what i've been feeling.

maybe it's just my imagination...yes, imagination.

i'm going to go back to work on january 3 and work until february 5 because i will be induced on february 6. i will then return to work on march 10...yes, march 10. that's 4 weeks. 4WEEKS! this is ludicrous.

oh, and on the point of not being prepared...we do have the essentials, crib, car seat, stroller, some clothes and blankets, but the nursery is not yet painted, i have nowhere to put those clothes that we do have, those clothes need to be washed because they've been in storage, i don't even want to think about how many more diapers we need besides the 2 small packages we have, i need to get a bath tub, i need to actually buy new clothes for the little guy, other than the one lone shirt we have hanging in the sad is that? i'm 7 1/2 months pregnant and have bought one stinkin' shirt!!

and the kicker...we thought we had daycare lined up for casen. ha! she called the other day and said that she had 3 people call her in one week needing a place and wanted to know if we wanted her to hold our spot. she's family, and this is where jacob went. she was just holding the spot as a favor. of course, we don't want her to be put in any kind of financial burden, so we told her to just do what she needed to do. so now, on top of everything else, i have to search for a suitable place for my baby to stay. i have a real problem with sending him to a large daycare. i really like the idea of having him in a home somewhere...with just a few other kids. the same goes for jacob. right now, he's in a quaint little daycare with not too many kids and he loves it. plus, it's hard to just leave your child with a stranger.

i shouldn't have even begun this post. i think i had all this pushed in the back of my mind where it couldn't come out and once i started typing, it's like the flood gates were opened!

we have been so incredibly blessed lately. we've have WONDERFUL people bringing us meals, we've had unexpected money come in which takes some of the stress off, casen is staying in for now and i know God will keep it that way until He is ready for him to come out, and i feel like things have somewhat smoothed over with my boss. he acted better when i saw him yesterday, trying to convince me to not worry about school right now.

there's just so much to do and knowing that casen could come anytime is so overwhelming. i don't even know where to begin.


no_iffer said...

Okay, I know you don't need or want any advice and I know that I

Enjoy this time, Crys. I mean it. You are pregnant. A life, a boy, a piece of heaven is growing inside of you. Take a moment and marvel at that.

I didn't do that. I got so caught up in all the "things" that needed to be done, that I don't think I really enjoyed the last few weeks of pregnancy. And then suddenly, VERY suddenly, he was here. And I was sad to not be pregnant. And sad that I didn't just soak it in. It was kind of anticlimatic, if that makes sense.

I love you dearly and admire you so very much for what you are going through and how incredibly well and positively you are handling it. Don't worry about school. It's just a job. It's just a JOB. Just let yourself enjoy this remarkable time in your life as much as you can. Everything else can wait. Casen can't.

You are amazing, beautiful and wonderful. I admire you so. Let me know if there is anything you need.

kj said...

and...when did you let his name out of the bag?!?!?!?

so cute!

Meems said...

I have some clothes I need to give you. I would have given them to Grant since he was born first, but the seasons don't work out. Nothing special. I will go through them in the next few weeks and get them to you.

It will all come together. Take comfort in His word. Love ya, M