so why is it that my brain is clouded with everything under the sun, except my baby boy?
the main culprit...school.
just about every waking thought i have has something to do with...
- worrying about my students while i'm gone;
- planning for the next 3 months;
- getting copies made and everything laid out for my return after christmas break;
- my boss and what else he can do to make me feel any more inadequate, inferior, unprepared, horrible, failure of a teacher;
- burdening other teachers...pam and monica...with little things i can't do while i'm on house arrest;
- and any other school related topic that just happens to pop into my mind.
then there's the upcoming holiday...christmas...which i'm not even supposed to go out shopping for.
my birthday tomorrow, which i'm not even supposed to do anything to celebrate.
the painting of the nursery, which i'm not supposed to leave the house to pick out a paint color...much less paint.
of course, as i'm sitting here typing, stressing about all these things, jacob is laying on the couch trying to sing along with the little einstein's theme song...all i can do is smile.
so in the days ahead, i should be anticipating the birth of another baby, ready to hold him in my arms, ready for jacob to meet his baby brother, ready to stop worrying about him and his health and the possibility of preterm labor.
instead, my head is clouded. this is a problem i've struggled with for as long as i can remember. my prayer, almost daily, is that the Lord would reveal to me how to clear things from my mind. how can i focus on only Him? how can i break through all the mundane things and get to a quiet place with Him?
the same applies here. i can't even focus on having a baby...one of the biggest moments in a woman's life...due to all the other things going on.
this is definitely not the happiest post, but for those of you who might have been wondering why there are no sweet, sappy baby posts...now you know why. something else always gets in the way.