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Thursday, July 7, 2011

Untitled.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't deal well with being left out or rejected. In fact, I down right suck at it. One of my major flaws is I take just about everything personally. It's forever been a struggle for me. I read into everything whether there's meaning or not. I make up my own scenarios and am usually way off base. I then hold everything in until it eventually comes spewing out like coke that just had a mentos dropped in it.

All of this to say, those feelings are nothing compared to what happens when I feel like one of my children are being left out or rejected. The intensity of the hurt, fear, and frustration multiplies one hundred fold. My heart aches.

One of my biggest fears has always been that my personality would come out in my children. I don't take risks. I don't step out of my comfort zone. I worry what other people think. I'm a play-it-safe kinda girl.

I don't want my children to feel that they have to be part of the popular group or be the cool kid. But I also don't want them to be the one standing in the corner alone waiting to be approached. I don't want them to be me.

I pray for my kids everyday...that they would have confidence, yet be humble. They would be outgoing, yet be polite. They would be fun, yet be restrained. I pray that they find a balance between too much and too little. The best of both worlds, I guess.

And then I'm brought to the realization of how much I LOVE my children. And how unimaginable the love of Jesus is for me.

Isn't it amazing how God designed us to form new life, and then love that life in a way that gives us only a glimpse of what He feels for us?

Jesus, thank you for loving me so much. Thank you for these three wonderful blessings that I have the privilege of loving. I pray that you would help me to instill confidence in them. Help me to show them the love they deserve. And help me to be strong even when it feels as though my heart is literally breaking. Amen.

3 comments:

Wendy said...

I totally relate to this.

seph said...

amen and amen.

(and whoever is leaving your kids out/hurting their feelings is not cool anyway!)

Meems said...

This brought tears to my eyes. A mother's love is unfailing. I have a real issue with rejection too. I hope things are resolved quickly for whatever is going on.