Thursday, February 21, 2008


or lack thereof is the case.

casen has not been sleeping well at night.

okay, that's an understatment.

he might sleep for 2 hours at a time, but inbetween, he's up for 3!

every night i find myself so irritated and tired and stressed.

jerry has the same feelings.

all i want is some stinkin' sleep!

and then i read THIS.

could i get kicked any harder in the face?

i've been struggling lately with issues dealing with finances, faithfulness (my own, not His), responsibilities.

i feel like i can never do anything right.

we get ahead with money and something happens. i know we should look at it as being blessed to have money to take care of things that happen, but it's so hard.

i feel like i'm making headway with my relationship with Jesus. then i read something like mari's myspace post, and i realize how far away i am.

i have the most wonderful husband in the world.

does he know that?

probably not.


i'm at a loss...


Meems said...

We all feel like you're feeling from time to time.

Having a baby brings out those feelings more than anything. Something about lack of sleep, lack of time and your constant attention being required, will make the best of us feel inadequate.

You need to get out of the house. I remember camping out at A's for about a week after having Josh. I just needed someone to talk to. We should do something on Monday(I would say sooner but, I'm going out of town).

It will get easier.

no_iffer said...

Oh, honey. I'm right there with you. It just is so hard to be us. To be mommas, Christian mommas, working mommas. The demands from a thousand different things, compounded by having no sleep, and no showers, and suddenly being cooped up in a house when you're used to going and going, it's just too much sometimes...or all the time.

And all of us, ALL of us, have moments of painful frustration where we feel completely inadequate to handle the task before us. You are not alone in this struggle by any means.

I don't know what else to say. I want to give some advice, but you don't need it. You know it will get better. I would say that you are amazing and I admire you, but that's not why you wrote this post. I could make a joke, but I'm not that funny. So, I'll just say this:

Starbucks. We need to have a starbucks night. We both already know how to function with no sleep so what's staying up a few extra hours going to hurt?

seph said...

i do not think you should feel like a bad person for being irritated at having no sleep. it's sort of a natural thing, you know. as i read your post, i was letting my kid fuss and fuss and fuss in bed. i thought, "she's going to sleep! i refuse to go back in there!" she's being driving me nuts all day, and i'm about at the end of my rope. then i read mari's post that you linked. i cried. and then i went in to rock her and pray over here. after about 15 minutes, i laid her down again. she didn't make a peep.

don't feel far from Jesus because you aren't always praying over casen while he's awake. feel close to Jesus because He gives us each other - in this case, mari - to gently change our perspective, not to make us feel bad.

you're doing a great job, crystal, and i 110% second the starbucks night jenny suggested. it sounds like everyone is having a tough week and could use it.

let me know if you need anything. i will honestly come over during the day to hold him while you sleep if you want.. now that's an offer you HAVE to take up! :)

(i think i should've emailed you..longest blog comment in history.)

seph said...

see what i mean about being at the end of my rope? there are like 9 misspelled words in that comment. eesh.

better yet on the watching casen while you sleep -- i'll take him out of the house! i could bring him here tomorrow afternoon for a few hours while you sleep or sit in the bath or whatever. i'll do this every day until you go back to school if you want... i'm not kidding...

Wendy said...

For me, sleep = sanity. I cannot function without a good night's sleep. Having a newborn in the house is SOOOO hard. Don't get down on yourself for not loving 3am feedings. BUT . . .Have you tried: leaving him in the swing or turning on white noise? There were times I just put my babies in a swing in our bedroom and went back to bed. I figured out a purifier on helped Z sleep. AND I would make him stay up as long as I could at night right before I was ready for bed - that helped him sleep. Hope this helps.

Jenni said...

Sweetie, my heart hurts for you. You are in the hardest few months of a mother's life right now, and sleep deprivation can seriously mess with your head. Just ask J about my many melt-downs last year. It will get better, and I have to say, you look way better than a mama with a 2 week-old should. :)
I second J - we ALL feel that way some time or another; I could have written your post today, minus the lack of sleep part.

CG said...

I understand completely. This is what got me through "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Stay in the WORD. HE will give you rest. I know that you know this. Reminders help when the thoughts in our head are so overwhelming we don't know what we are thinking... besides "Need sleep" Speak the Word out loud. Love ya!
no-iffer you hit it on the spot for me!