Lord, I'm amazed by You.

this morning in church, lennon made it a point to say, "are you? are you amazed by Him?" how many times to do we sing this song just to sing? do we really mean it?

of course i mean it. of course i do...in reference to other people's lives. has God done wonderful things in my life? yes! has it been something that i sit back and say, "wow! that was amazing! that was God!" not really.

i know this is sounding a little harsh. it's not meant to be. the truth is, i've never had any issues that have really required an amazing move from God. my life following Him has been pretty smooth.

until now.

now, it's no longer about me. now, i have a husband. now, i have kids. now, i have unsaved family members. now, i have people i come in contact with everyday who do not know Him.

i KNOW Him. i KNOW He's amazing. i KNOW He performs miracles. i KNOW He is willing and capable.

all of this why?

because now i'm in need of something amazing. i NEED an amazing work from God.

i'm asking that my children be healed. totally, completely, never again returning, healed.

lennon said that so many times, our faith is so lacking that we don't "ask big". you have no idea how true that is for me. i "ask safe". God, in your time, heal them. in your time, let this happen. in your time, if it is your will, let this happen. this way, when it doesn't happen right away, i can either say, "it's not His time right now." or "it's not His will right now." either way, i've been answered.

why? because God has performed miracles in others' lives. He's healed. He's restored. He's saved.

i've never required this.

until now.

i've been struggling lately with not being strong enough. with people seeing me dealing with my sick babies and not handling it well. with people thinking, "man, she's a christian. she follows God. yet look how stressed she is. look how much she has to deal with. why would i want that?"

i don't want that anymore. i want people to look at me and think, "look how awesome her life is. no matter what happens, she KNOWS God is in control. she's following Him and He's performing miracles in her life. i WANT what she has. i want Him." i now fully understand that i'm not meant to be strong all of the time...but He is. when i'm not, He is. and that's okay. He's waiting for me to say, "i NEED you." i need you. He can be strong for me. that's what i want others to see. even though i'm not enough, He is.

so i'm asking...no, i'm believing healing will come. i've dropped my safety net. i'm stepping over my pride. i'm putting every ounce of faith i have out there.

MY God, the Alpha and the Omega, the All Knowing, the One, the Savior, the Comforter, the Redeemer, the Healer...His next amazing work is in MY children.

in Jesus name.