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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

anxiety.

as i'm walking past jacob's soon-to-be-first-grade-home yesterday, just as i do every day on my morning walk, these are the thoughts that are passing through my head:

i cannot believe that my son will be starting first grade in less than a week.
what is he going to wear?
he's going to look so cute in his tucked in shirt with his white belt and preppy shorts.

(and then it begins...)

wait...tucked in shirt? he can't wear his shirt like that. what if comes untucked and he can't tuck it back in?
and that belt? oh, no! what if he has to go to the bathroom and that weird buckle gets stuck?
bathroom?! where is the bathroom? will my six-year old have to walk down the halls of a school by himself to go to the bathroom?
will he even be brave enough after he drinks a whole bottle of water at lunch to ask to go?
lunch?! where will he eat lunch?
will he have to pick where he's going to sit?
will he sit alone?
and speaking of that water...he picked a lunch box that came with a water bottle. he's going to insist on taking it. what if it leaks?
will he have to keep his lunch box in his backpack? what if the condensation from the bottle gets on his stuff?
stuff?! what kind of stuff is he supposed to have in there? we have all of his school supplies, but what is going to fill that gigantic backpack?
did i get the wrong backpack?
is it too big?
is it not cool enough?
cool?! what about recess. will he be brave enough to ask someone to play with him?
what if he falls?
what if he falls and cries?
what if he falls and cries and then cries some more because he's crying?
what if he comes home and tells me he hates it?
what should i do?
what should i say?
what if i cry?

(and then there's this...)

what if he comes home and tells me he loves it?

dude, i am one messed up, emotional momma right now.

steer clear.

1 comment:

seph said...

this makes me cry! i recognize the anxiety...and i don't even have one in school yet! lay your heart (and jacob's condensating water bottle) at the feet of Jesus, friend. He has your little boy all wrapped up in His arms. praying for you! and jacob. it's going to be a great year. you'll see.