Our Journey

Pillow makeover.

2012-02-09T16:13:00.001-06:00

The current throw pillows on our couch are, let's say, less than impressive. I've been unhappy with them for quite some time, but I HATE spending money on things that just look pretty and serve no practical purpose. Also, I wasn't sure what direction I wanted to go with them.

This morning, as I looked at them with disgust...again, I realized that I could just sew new covers to go over the existing filler. That thought was good in theory.

The pillows that I have do not have covers. They're all one piece with stuffing inside. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I had to cut the pillow to get to the filling. Since I wanted to sew a simple envelope cover, I had to first sew a cover for the filling that would then be inserted into the real cover.

It all sounds very complicated but turned out to be pretty simple.

I made a trip to hobby lobby this morning and found some super cute fabric that I think I'll be able to find other fabric to coordinate with.

The real plus is that with the existing filler, the fabric that I already owned to make the inside cover, and a 40% off coupon for the fabric, the updated pillow cost me $5.51. I can handle that!

One down, three or four more to go.

On another note, I would've posted a comparison of the old and new, but I currently have one cute boy taking a nap on the matching old one.

Recent quotes from the Ramirez family.

2012-02-07T16:15:00.001-06:00

Jerry: "cici's pizza slices are like old navy clothes...short and wide."

Casen: "I want to marry you like daddy did."

Jacob: "this is the horriblest rice I've ever had." (about my Spanish rice.)

Casen: "momma, I'm so thirsty! I just don't think I can hold it!" (in a really whiney voice, like he's talking about peeing or something.)

Jacob: "momma, I want one of those things that zip around my tummy so I can be as skinny as you."

Mya: "mommaaaa!"

Ten months.

2012-02-06T10:45:00.000-06:00

since i'm way late posting this time, i'm sad to say that my baby girl will be one...next month! she looks like such a big girl now. dramatic changes have occurred in her appearance and personality since last month. i can hardly stand it.

here are her ten-month stats:

17.6 pounds. (down from last month due to all her sickness.)
28 inches.
more and more blonde hair.
less blue, more slate-ish eyes.
still two teeth, although she's been pushing hard on her top gums. you can see the shape of them. won't be long.
we finally had somewhat of a nap routine going, and then grandma and papa came to visit. back to square one. :)
says "momma" and "dada"...in that order.
still not crawling. she inches forward by planting her face on the ground with one arm stretched out and pushing off with her tip toes. she mostly prefers to roll though. and she's fast at it.
legs are getting stronger. she can stand supported for quite a while now.
still fascinated with outside and now her brothers' room also. anytime we walk past a door to either, she gets really excited followed by really angry if she doesn't get to go out or in.
is so happy lately. i mean, a little ham! she smiles at everyone. that is, after she plays shy. i think she thinks it gets her more attention. she's probably right.
takes baths in the big bath tub now...usually with her brothers. she loves it.
has no interest in a sippy cup...except to chew on the spout part.
is working on building up her appetite again. she was so stopped up for weeks that she had no desire to eat...hence the slight weight loss.
had three ear infections this month. grrr...
had her first visit to the ER this month. double grrr...
got her very own nebulizer mask this month. grrr...grrr...grrr...

i attempted to take these pictures in the morning before we took casen to school. this was the result.

much better results in the afternoon.

(even though she about gave me a heart attack every time i tried to snap a picture. she was getting so excited she almost fell off that chair eighteen times.)

look at those big eyes.

i'm absolutely in love with the top right picture. those chubby fingers are perfection.

happy ten months, baby girl. love, momma.

He is four.

2012-01-30T09:20:00.001-06:00

I don't know how it happened, but this morning Casen woke up as a four year old. It's not that I don't think he's big enough to be four. It's actually quite the contrary. He truly is his brother's shadow, and we treat him as so. I feel like he should be turning six. He has his three/four year old moments, but for the most part, we put him on the same level as Jacob. I guess there are pros and cons to that.
Anyway, here are a few significant things about my four year old baby boy. :)

He has the sweetest, most loving spirit.
He wants to marry me someday.
He loves his brother and sister like no other.
He's a talker.
He wants to stay with me forever.
He's shy around strangers.
He's loud.
He can add and subtract one-digit numbers.
He can write most letters of the alphabet with ease.
He can spell his name, along with Jacob and Mya.
He plays soccer.
He's about to start t-ball.
He loves school. I try to bribe him to stay home sometimes with no success.
He still has adorably, chubby hands.
He has "I can get anything I want with these" big, brown eyes.
He's everything a boy entails.
He has my heart.

Happy birthday, sweet boy. Momma loves.

Another one bites the dust.

2012-01-10T12:15:00.001-06:00

Our collection of nebulizer masks. We now have one for each child. I'd really rather my children share some other trait besides the difficulty to breathe.

Kisses.

2012-01-09T17:22:00.001-06:00

This better be the only boy she kisses for a long time! Well, besides her brothers. :)

Nine months.

2012-01-02T09:14:00.000-06:00

i'm in awe of how much older she looks here than last month.

here are her nine-month stats:

17.7 pounds.
28 inches.
blondie.
still baby blue.
what's that?? teeth? yes! two of them! had 'em for about a week now.
naps? ha!
last month she was babbling "m" sounds. that came to a screeching halt and was replaced with "d" sounds. grrr...
is a master sitter. can even turn in circles now.
still prefers rolling. the latest maneuver is to turn in a circle on her belly until she's pointing the right direction and then roll to her desired location.
loves her toys. until christmas, she really didn't have any.
is, without a doubt, the loudest child i have ever heard. she yells/screams when she's happy OR sad. not much differentiation. there are times when i'm afraid she's going to bust my ear drum...seriously.
has quite the temper. when she doesn't get her way, she clinches her fists, grits her two teeth and shakes. it's a little scary.
is no longer interested in wearing headbands. tragic. (this one came off as soon as i left her hands alone.)
has never been and is still not interested in wearing shoes. tragic. (i put these shoes on multiple times during the two minutes i was taking her pictures.)
still loves me. especially when she's sad.
stops everything as soon as she hears her daddy's voice when he comes home from work.
absolutely LOVES to be outside. if she sees outside through the door or window and doesn't get to go, she throws a fit. luckily it's been a little warmer this past week.

totally in love with this over-the-top smile!

happy nine months, baby girl. momma loves.

here are a few more pictures for entertainment.

this looks like attitude already. you better check that!

the shoes! she only wanted to eat them the whole time.

the next three pictures were taken back to back. my how she can turn fast.

again with the over-the-top smile. love.

i guess we're done. :) oh, see those teeth?!

outside time.

we really have to watch the boys' toys. everything goes to her mouth these days.

how'd this cutie get in here??

and this one??

Christmas 2011.

2011-12-30T10:14:00.000-06:00

a whirlwind, as usual. i can't believe it's already come and gone.

we started at my parents' on christmas eve.

fake smile from jacob, real one from casen, and a half-smile-half-cry from mya.

money from granny.

shell shocked from the craziness that is my family.

this was the scene christmas morning as we waited for the boys to wake.

santa gifts.

not quite sure what this look is.

new bibles.

then christmas night at jerry's mom's.

pretty sure the shiner on his head will never go away.

this is as good as it gets.

hmm...

again, hmm...

she really only cared about eating the paper.

see.

my boys declared it the best christmas yet. i'd have to agree.

late thanksgiving post.

2011-12-09T10:53:00.000-06:00

as usual, we made a trip to my parents' for thanksgiving this year. my granny's been pretty sick, so the festivities occurred at their house this go round.

now, in case you don't know, i'm one of six children. holidays around our house get pretty crazy. this one was sure to not disappoint. in fact, for the first time in who knows how long, we were supposed to have every kid AND grandkid there (sixteen of those!). i was beyond excited, mainly for the opportunity to get a picture of everyone there.

well, life happens and a few ended up not showing up...or at least not on time. :)

nonetheless, it was loud, crazy, stressful and fun. and we'll do it all over again in a few weeks for Christmas!

here are a few pictures i captured. there are so many more, but due to the potential of them being Christmas presents, I'll have to share those later. :)

my children. are they not the cutest things you've ever seen?! you can agree silently...so you don't hurt your own kids' feelings. :)

my boys with their cousin, jaycee. now, she certainly gives my kids a run for their money. she's sassy and country and just cute!

and this is what i was most excited about. i wanted to have a picture of all the grandkids. there are four of them missing from this picture. bummer.

anyway, i told my sister the vision i had and that the older kids would probably not be happy about it. but we like to torture, so we did it anyway. we laid all the big kids down first and then piled all the little ones on top of them. mya's the youngest...and most likely the last...so she got the middle spot. it was so much fun! on a side note, we made them do it again later in the living room when some of the other kids showed up. it didn't turn out as well, but we had fun making them suffer.

clockwise starting with jacob we have jilleana, kenzi, lexi, haiyden, cutler, jaycee, kalee, casen, garet and jay t. and the missing ones are kandice, kristen, kendra and shaun. (shaun was there, but he's two and was not having any part of it.)

oh, and don't you love the funny faces?!

Eight months.

2011-12-05T11:22:00.000-06:00

a half-smile for me. :)

here are her eight-month stats:

17 pounds.
27 1/2 inches. the girl is growing!
her blonde hair is multiplying daily.
still hope for keeping the blue eyes.
and yet still...NO TEETH! i have a feeling we're in for it when they finally do come in.
holds her bottle really well. she can even manage it in the car now. sweet for me!
sits up like a champ now. she still topples over sometimes...but remember, her head is above-average. toppling is to be expected. :)
really trying to crawl. still can't manage to get both ends of her up at the same time.
mom's day out is a breeze now. she kinda has a boyfriend there. :)
wears a size 3 diaper now. not because of how much she weighs, but because of how much she pees!
total momma's girl. i kinda like it.
been babbling for a while...and just started her "m" sounds. i might actually have a child that says momma first instead of dada!
sits in her bumbo in the middle of the table while we eat dinner. really bad habit. must break it. she gets really upset now when no one pays attention to her.
still only eats vegetables if a fruit is mixed in. but hey, at least she's getting them!
has kinda gotten over the crying-anytime-someone-other-than-momma-holds-her phase. that is, until she sees me walk away.
loves to roll under the christmas tree and look at all the pretties. (or pull them off.)

happy eight months, miss mya! love, momma.

to document...here she is putting her very first ornament on the tree. (i guess it's more like trying to pull off her very first ornament.)

and i don't know what it is about this picture...but i just love it. even with the awful quality, yellowy tone, noise, blurry hand, etc. :)

Family Photos 2011.

2011-11-29T10:36:00.000-06:00

we had a few technical difficulties and it was bitterly cold, but we stuck it out!

a smile from the baby girl!

thanks, jenny!

Seven months.

2011-11-02T15:04:00.000-06:00

just realized she's wearing the same sweater that she wore in her six month picture. (gasp!) :)

here are her seven-month stats:

right at 16 pounds.
27 inches. (either this or last month's measurement is wrong, or she grew 2 inches in one month. she does seem a lot longer...)
much more blonde hair.
bluer than ever eyes.
once again, no teeth!
will lay on the floor in the morning and drink her first bottle by herself. other than that, she gets easily distracted and i usually have to hold her for the rest of the day's bottles.
can sit for quite a while unsupported, but as soon as she gets off balance, she falls over.
rolls all over the place.
has not coordinated her legs and arms together to crawl yet. she'll get one set up and the other set will be flat on the ground.
is doing better at mom's day out. today, she didn't even cry when i dropped her off. progress.
still not much of a napper. i'm still having hard time accepting that. :)
loves to sit in her bumbo on the kitchen counter while i cook or do dishes.
discovered the game of throwing things on the floor to see if anyone will pick them up.
definitely knows she has a voice. she yells for no reason.
has the cutest little shy smile. most everyone gets it...as long as momma's holding her.
does a weird head shaking thing now.
gets really excited when she's the center of attention. flails her arms and shakes her head. (hence the blurry hand in the next picture.)

happy seven months, baby girl. love, momma.

pumpkin patch.

2011-10-24T22:01:00.000-05:00

we made a trip out to the pumpkin patch in grape creek this past weekend...which i never even knew existed, by the way. it was really cool. complete with tons of photo op set-ups and even llamas.

jacob is super sensitive to light so his eyes are always squinty, and casen is going through a weird smile phase. cute, nonetheless.

this is baby girl's snort smile. she gets really excited and breathes heavy through her nose. weird.

there's the sweet girl.

daddy's girl.

the pumpkin was her drum.

two out of three looking at me...not bad.

told you there were llamas. casen thought he was the coolest.

any resemblance?

2011-10-06T13:16:00.001-05:00

you must excuse my boyish look compared to my daughter's all-girl demeanor. :)

six-month kid comparison.

2011-10-04T14:02:00.000-05:00

Six months.

2011-10-04T13:14:00.000-05:00

she's smiling at casen.

(although those boots look really large, it's really only the angle of the picture. the girl is six months old and these boots are an infant size one. can we say, tiniest feet ever?!)

here are her six-month stats:

15 pounds 3 ounces (below average)
25 inches (below average)
17.5 inch head (above average) oh, come on! don't act like you're surprised. :)
blonde hair
blue eyes (incidentally, i looked back at pictures of casen. at eleven months, he still had blue eyes. they're now brown.)
still no teeth! i'm hoping the breaking of the first-tooth-at-four-months trend (by both boys) does not mean that there will also be a breaking of the waking-up-with-a-new-tooth-with-no-discomfort trend.
not a fan of veggies. i've been trying to find any kind of veggie-fruit mix that i can. they're mostly in those squeeze pouches from target. i'm just too lazy for the hassle of mixing them myself.
starting to hold her own bottle more and more. it gives me a little glimpse of freedom. i'm diggin' it. :)
can now suck on her toes. proof to come.
spits...alot. and not just like drool dripping out of her mouth. full out lips vibrating, slobber spraying, noise making spitting. and she thinks it's hilarious.
also does a weird snorting/breathing heavy thing through her nose. mostly when she's snotty. she thinks that's hilarious also.
getting closer to sitting. the problem is, as soon as she's in the sitting position, she locks her legs straight out in front of her. not the best for balancing. she then just topples over.
goes to mom's day out one day a week. last week, she cried as soon as she saw her teacher. not a good sign.
hardly ever naps. i'm just having to accept that with four must do trips out of the house by 3 o'clock in the afternoon, any kind of napping schedule will.never.happen.

she says hi.

not sure what the whole fist-on-the-cheek is...still cute as can be.

such a dainty girl.

but not always very lady-like. :)

happy half a year, baby girl. momma loves!

Fitting in nicely with the boys around here.

2011-09-29T16:39:00.000-05:00

Oh, tooth fairy!

2011-09-26T15:12:00.002-05:00

My baby lost his first tooth today...at school...without me. He was apparently eating his pb&j sandwich and noticed it was loose. His friend, Ella, tried to pull it for him. When that didn't work, he said he bit down and it just fell out.

When I went to pick him up today, he walked out so excited. I, on the other hand, almost cried when he told me.

When did he get so big?

a different topic.

2011-09-12T09:57:00.000-05:00

for the past five months, this blog has been consumed by mya. not a bad thing in any way, but i do have two other kids and a husband. the boys are really hard to catch in pictures these days. they're so over, "smile for momma!" they're too cool for that. :) and pictures of myself or my husband are a rarity anyway. i'll try to change that.

for now, this post is totally about my husband.

i have to brag.

on friday, he had his annual review at the firm. he's been on the fast track since he started there, and this year was no exception.

he was promoted to principal!

in accounting talk, that means that his next title will be PARTNER!

we have a date in mind as to when that will be, but nothing is set in stone. lets just say he'll be one of the youngest partners there...ever.

i'm SO proud of him. like beyond. he works incredibly hard, and it has definitely paid off.

congratulations, hun! i couldn't be happier to call myself your wife.

i love you!

This is the look we get when...

2011-09-09T13:10:00.002-05:00

We sing our mya song.

"Little miss mya...sat on a papaya.
Then she squished it...squished it like a biscuit."

Makes me smile.

2011-09-08T08:25:00.001-05:00

Five months.

2011-09-01T13:00:00.000-05:00

this time she's smiling at jacob. she adores him.

here are her five-month stats:

14 pounds 8 ounces
25 inches long
blonde hair
blue eyes
no teeth as of yet. a little surprised, but we'll keep an eye out.
still loves her bedtime routine.
officially a tummy sleeper.
rolls over back to front. REFUSES to roll back the other way.
nowhere close to sitting up. she seems so big, yet so fragile.
on a good day, we get in a 2-hour morning nap and one or two shorter afternoon naps.
we have an eater. proof later in the post.
already starting separation anxiety. mom's day out should be interesting next week.
pretty much has all of us wrapped around her finger...especially daddy.
totally melts me with her looks. see exhibit A below.

jacob adores her also. (the other boy was asleep during this time.)

another one of those looks.

and another.

i CANNOT get enough of these legs...and this pose showing them off.

now for the messy part. definitely not the neatest eater.

happy five months, baby girl. love, momma.

how we get momma in a picture.

2011-08-27T18:05:00.000-05:00

parenting.

2011-08-24T08:30:00.000-05:00

"When our children suffer, whether from their own bad choices or those of someone else, we want so badly to rescue them from the pain or tell them how to avoid finding themselves in that predicament again. But, God has another plan - to perfect them through trials." parenting by design daily devotional

i'll be straight honest here...this totally sucks.

just because.

2011-08-22T13:30:00.002-05:00

anxiety.

2011-08-16T11:22:00.000-05:00

as i'm walking past jacob's soon-to-be-first-grade-home yesterday, just as i do every day on my morning walk, these are the thoughts that are passing through my head:

i cannot believe that my son will be starting first grade in less than a week.
what is he going to wear?
he's going to look so cute in his tucked in shirt with his white belt and preppy shorts.

(and then it begins...)

wait...tucked in shirt? he can't wear his shirt like that. what if comes untucked and he can't tuck it back in?
and that belt? oh, no! what if he has to go to the bathroom and that weird buckle gets stuck?
bathroom?! where is the bathroom? will my six-year old have to walk down the halls of a school by himself to go to the bathroom?
will he even be brave enough after he drinks a whole bottle of water at lunch to ask to go?
lunch?! where will he eat lunch?
will he have to pick where he's going to sit?
will he sit alone?
and speaking of that water...he picked a lunch box that came with a water bottle. he's going to insist on taking it. what if it leaks?
will he have to keep his lunch box in his backpack? what if the condensation from the bottle gets on his stuff?
stuff?! what kind of stuff is he supposed to have in there? we have all of his school supplies, but what is going to fill that gigantic backpack?
did i get the wrong backpack?
is it too big?
is it not cool enough?
cool?! what about recess. will he be brave enough to ask someone to play with him?
what if he falls?
what if he falls and cries?
what if he falls and cries and then cries some more because he's crying?
what if he comes home and tells me he hates it?
what should i do?
what should i say?
what if i cry?

(and then there's this...)

what if he comes home and tells me he loves it?

dude, i am one messed up, emotional momma right now.

steer clear.

squash face.

2011-08-15T18:42:00.001-05:00

how fast they change.

2011-08-01T16:29:00.000-05:00

four months.

2011-08-01T16:14:00.000-05:00

she's smiling at her daddy. :)

here are her four-month stats:

13 pounds 6 ounces
24.25 inches long
16.5 inch head (it's growing faster than any other part of her.)
we may have a blonde haired, blue eyed girl on our hands. watch out!
totally reliant on her bedtime routine...bath, bottle, sleep. it's working for us.
getting closer to two good naps a day. work in progress.
had her first try at cereal today. obvious reaction.
is in LOVE with her brothers.
showing many signs of clinginess to momma and daddy.
rolls over front to back AND back to front.
really wants to sit. borrowed kylah's bumbo. happy girl.
loves to gnaw on her heart-shaped teething ring.
must be carried while grocery shopping. she'll be staying at home from now on.
has the cutest laugh EVER.

you're changing way too fast, baby girl. i'm relishing every second!

pretty in pink.

2011-07-30T22:56:00.000-05:00

I want you to know...

2011-07-26T11:05:00.000-05:00

I will be living vicariously through my daughter for as long as she will let me...fashion wise, that is.

There are so many things she can wear that I myself can either never pull off or am just not brave enough to try.

For example, as soon as cooler weather hits, she'll be sporting super cute dresses and skirts with cropped tights and a jacket of some sort. Her chubby legs will be adorably cute hugged by those tights.

And when winter hits, if ever, I'm envisioning velvet and silk dresses with chunky cardigans and boots...assuming her feet will be big enough for shoes by then...definitely questionable.

And shortly after, when the warmth returns, I see shorts and tanks with shiny sandals and maybe even some hair accessories other than headbands...here's hoping for hair for my baby girl.

Is it sad that I have these things planned already?

Is it even more sad that it takes me longer to decide what baby girl is going to wear for the day than it does myself?

You don't have to answer that. :)

I have a six year old.

2011-07-19T21:14:00.002-05:00

Seriously.
I'm still in shock. I know every mom feels this way, but it's like I blinked and he's six. Then I'm going to blink again, and he'll be eighteen.
This has got to stop.

Happy birthday, baby boy! Momma loves you so!

The little things.

2011-07-08T07:46:00.002-05:00

I know it's only July, but things like this make me very happy. Especially when I can get them on sale!

Untitled.

2011-07-07T14:08:00.000-05:00

I'll be the first to admit that I don't deal well with being left out or rejected. In fact, I down right suck at it. One of my major flaws is I take just about everything personally. It's forever been a struggle for me. I read into everything whether there's meaning or not. I make up my own scenarios and am usually way off base. I then hold everything in until it eventually comes spewing out like coke that just had a mentos dropped in it.

All of this to say, those feelings are nothing compared to what happens when I feel like one of my children are being left out or rejected. The intensity of the hurt, fear, and frustration multiplies one hundred fold. My heart aches.

One of my biggest fears has always been that my personality would come out in my children. I don't take risks. I don't step out of my comfort zone. I worry what other people think. I'm a play-it-safe kinda girl.

I don't want my children to feel that they have to be part of the popular group or be the cool kid. But I also don't want them to be the one standing in the corner alone waiting to be approached. I don't want them to be me.

I pray for my kids everyday...that they would have confidence, yet be humble. They would be outgoing, yet be polite. They would be fun, yet be restrained. I pray that they find a balance between too much and too little. The best of both worlds, I guess.

And then I'm brought to the realization of how much I LOVE my children. And how unimaginable the love of Jesus is for me.

Isn't it amazing how God designed us to form new life, and then love that life in a way that gives us only a glimpse of what He feels for us?

Jesus, thank you for loving me so much. Thank you for these three wonderful blessings that I have the privilege of loving. I pray that you would help me to instill confidence in them. Help me to show them the love they deserve. And help me to be strong even when it feels as though my heart is literally breaking. Amen.

pizza night.

2011-07-05T16:26:00.002-05:00

i have found it to be wholly true that when you involve your kids in the making of dinner, they are more interested in eating the meal. casen's still a little stubborn sometimes, but man, they have alot of fun doing it.

if you notice the tiny foot in the upper left corner, mya was a spectator.

look at that chubby hand.

can you tell casen's the cheese fan?

lookin' good!

and i must say, they tasted pretty darn good.

three months.

2011-07-05T16:09:00.000-05:00

pretty baby.

here are her three-month stats:

12 pounds
24 inches long
still rockin' the blue eyes
sleeps through the night...generally from about 9 pm to 7 am
napping better during the day, but still not great
eats 4 ounces at a time
smiles at almost anyone who talks to her...little flirt (gets it from her daddy)
laughs out loud...cutest.thing.ever
rolls over from front to back
plays with overhead toys...those attached to playmat and bouncer
LOVES her brothers
comforted by swaddling...arms out
becoming more self-entertained
melts my heart with every look

i love you, sweet baby!

Two super handsome boys.

2011-07-01T12:03:00.002-05:00

Seriously.

2011-06-29T16:23:00.000-05:00

What is there to say?

Us time.

2011-06-24T17:42:00.001-05:00

Happy Wednesday!

2011-06-22T13:30:00.001-05:00

Jealous.

2011-06-21T11:07:00.000-05:00

I'm admitting it.

I'm totally jealous of so many of my friends who currently have the time to do things like blog, go to the pool, get a tan, shop, or just plain hang out. The only way I'm able to post this right now is because I'm holding baby girl while she drifts off to sleep with her bottle in her mouth. (Don't judge me. I need my sanity.) And this amazing invention called the iPhone is small enough for me to hold and type with one hand. It's the only way I've stayed connected to the outside world.

For those who know me, you know I don't sit well. I'm definitely an on-the-go girl. I even have a complex about going to the movie theater because I know I'm going to be stuck in one place for two hours. Weird, I know.

And I know this phase will pass. It will. I'm doing my best not to rush it.

On a side note, I'm sure none of this is even flowing together because since I've began this post I've been interrupted with, "I want to look at the book!" "Jacob got those out!" "Where's my blanket?!" "Go to your room!" "Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh!" "Stop!" "Don't!" "Waaaaaaahhhhhhh!" And of course, a now eyes-wide-open baby girl.

And the cycle starts all over again.

Stay tuned for the next episode of "Crystal Goes Insane".

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T21:43:00.000-05:00

What a mix of expressions.

seriously.

2011-06-19T20:40:00.000-05:00

i could stare at her all day. oh wait...i pretty much do that already since the child never sleeps during the day!

New addition.

2011-06-18T18:52:00.003-05:00

The pergola, not the boy. :)

dude...

2011-06-17T09:36:00.000-05:00

this feels like forever ago already!

because...

2011-06-14T15:04:00.002-05:00

i'm way too far behind to catch up at this point. here's what you've been missing about our life the past couple of months.

april:

jerry's birthday

with an amazing cake! (that i made myself)

jacob's easter party

fun at the lake

easter egg hunt

easter sunday

may:

mother's day parties at the boys' school

mother's day tea with my baby girl

mother's day (not much cooperation)

jacob' kindergarten graduation

more fun at the lake

boys' last day of school

even more fun at the lake

mya's dedication

memorial day

june:

summer craft

first pool attempt (not successful)

that's the short and sweet, unedited version. i'll try to keep up from now on. don't hold your breath. all this is being posted while baby girl is stirring in her swing and getting ready to cry her eyes out. :)

i don't need words for this post.

2011-06-14T14:37:00.002-05:00

two months.

2011-06-06T15:35:00.000-05:00

LOVE her in yellow!

here are baby girl's two-month stats:

10 pounds 10 ounces
22.5 inches long
still has those blue eyes
pretty much sleeping through the night (most nights she sleeps from 9 pm to 5 or 6 am)
hardly ever naps during the day
still eats 3 ounces at a time
smiles (at momma the most)
tries to laugh
loves when her brothers sing to her
calmed by bathtime and her changing table
has her bedtime routine down
is no longer wearing newborn clothes

momma loves you, baby girl!

my sister.

2011-05-26T23:33:00.001-05:00

my little sister, sandi, is getting married in july. i get to be the one to do all of her photo sessions, including the wedding. i just had to share her beauty with you.

One year.

2011-05-25T21:37:00.000-05:00

My baby girl has been in the arms of Jesus for one whole year.

Change.

2011-05-19T10:45:00.000-05:00

That would describe the season in our life right now.

My baby boy graduated from kindergarten yesterday morning. (pictures will come later.) His first year of school is behind him. It seriously went so fast. There were so many things I wanted to do and just didn't. For example, having him make birthday cards for his classmates...never happened. Learning the names of his classmates' moms...never happened. Getting to know his teachers on a more personal level...never happened. The academic year is now over...with many things not done. What IS done is my son knowing how to read, how to count and write to 100 and beyond, how to distinguish a short vowel from a long vowel, how to add and subtract one-digit and even some two-digit numbers. All of these things were learned in the past nine months. I definitely give credit to his teachers. They are amazing! But I also give credit to myself. Because what I did get done this year is hardly ever miss a homework time, a bedtime story reading, a detailed telling of my boy's day, or a school event. And I never missed the opportunity to tell my baby how incredibly smart he is and how so very proud I am of him. To hear his teachers tell me over and over how sweet and talented he is warms my heart and gives me a sense of accomplishment. Though I didn't do everything I wanted, I did do everything that mattered.

Then we have Casen. He's totally different than Jacob. He's free-spirited and could care less what others think. Those traits have gotten him into a little trouble throughout the year with his kids' day out teacher. I really believe the boy wants attention and he's going to make sure he gets it...positive or negative. To say he's a challenge would be a definite understatement. I'm learning to pick my battles with him and trying to embrace his lackadaisical attitude. It's really hard to be mad at him when he looks at me with those big brown eyes. He'll be in preschool next year. I'm so ready to start seeing him learn and develop intellectually. Right now his main focus is to aggravate Jacob. I'm ready to see the next phase and how he's going to respond to it.

And then there's Mya. Baby girl turned seven weeks old today yesterday. She's on the verge of developing a personality. I can't wait to see which boy she will most resemble. I'd be happy with good mix of the two. :) She is definitely going through changes lately. We've gone from her sleeping all day long and then only a couple of hours at a time at night to not sleeping at all during the day and sleeping four to five hours at a time at night. I shouldn't complain but I feel more exhausted now than when she wasn't sleeping much at night. I get absolutely nothing done during the day. If she wasn't so stinkin' adorable, I'd be a little more aggravated with her. This too shall pass, I guess.

Oh, and then there's Jerry and I. We'll be married seven years on Sunday. I seriously love him more every day. Every day. Through all the craziness of our life at this moment, he still consumes my thoughts throughout the day. I LOVE him.

So...change.

Change is good. We like change.

It's a good thing, huh?! :)

one month.

2011-05-02T11:36:00.000-05:00

already?!

i took the picture on the right day...i'm just now finding time to post.

here are some one-month stats for my baby girl:

9 pounds (birth weight: 7 pounds 3 ounces)
21.5 inches (birth length: 19.5 inches)
blue eyes
dark blonde/light brown hair
definite ramirez hands
holds her head up...like woah!
sleeps in 2-3 hour stretches at night in her crib
eats 3 ounces at a time
smiles
momma's girl (i'm forseeing a problem)
not sure what to think of the boys yet
loves to lay on her changing table
hates her carseat if she's awake (that would be an understatement)
loves bathtime
occasionally takes a pacifier
has to be walked and walked and walked when fighting sleep

overall, i think our first month with mya could be summed up with one word...adjustment.

from trying to find a balance between husband and kids and self to trying to make everyone feel loved equally, it's not been easy. i feel like a failure daily, but we're making it. one smile from her, one hug from casen, one unexpected kiss from jacob, one "hey, beautiful" from jerry makes it all worth it.

happy one-month, baby girl!

saturday morning pancakes.

2011-05-02T11:21:00.000-05:00

our breakfasts generally consist of pop tarts, cereal or frozen waffles. jerry will sometimes make himself some kind of omelet, but neither me or the boys are a big fan of them.

saturday morning, i decided we'd do pancakes. i used to make pancakes quite often, but something about the effort and mess and time and kids and...well, you get the picture.

the boys were really not that excited about them...that is until i told them to go raid their stash of cookie cutters from their playdough bin.

they waited patiently...

and then dug in.

totally in love with those hands!

jacob...getting ready to swing his baseball bat pancake.

dinosaurs...always a big hit around here.

i guess they tasted good too.

and the aftermath...

jacob has requested to make pancakes every saturday morning. :)

more mya.

2011-04-11T13:08:00.000-05:00

jenny came over the sunday after mya was born to take her newborn pictures. i finally got them all edited and actually have a small amount of time to post them. i'm totally in love!

introducing miss mya.

2011-04-05T18:30:00.000-05:00

born march 30, 2011 at 1:18 pm.

7 pounds 3 ounces, 19.5 inches long.

bittersweet.

2011-03-28T11:54:00.000-06:00

it's monday which means we're only two days away from meeting our baby girl. for so long it felt so far away. now i can't believe it's so close.

i'm currently flooded with all kinds of different feelings...anxious for her arrival, nervous about the delivery, happy that it's almost here, scared that something could go wrong, worried about how the boys will react, and mostly just ready.

but i'm also filled with feelings that are bittersweet. i'm brought back to a few months ago...december. december is when i thought we would be welcoming our third child into the world. obviously, God had other plans for us.

i have no understanding as to why things turned out the way they did...other than God is in control. i have total peace in that. i'm reminded a lot lately of the moments that surrounded when we found out and the days that followed. the pain and tears come flooding back every time.

my comfort comes in knowing that one day we will meet. one day, i will hold my third child...i believe to be a baby girl. i will kiss her and hug her and tell her how much i love her.

until then, sweet baby, rest in the arms of Jesus....afterall, what better place to be.

t ball.

2011-03-25T09:45:00.001-06:00

jacob had his first t ball game on tuesday. does he seriously not look gigantic in this picture?! my baby is growing up. i can't even imagine how big i'm going to think he is once mya gets here...especially since sarah reminded me last night that there will be SIX years between my oldest and youngest child! thanks, sarah! :)

getting ready to bat.

running to third.

he gets distracted easily. :)

waiting for the ball...or just posing.

look at that adorable, determined face.

yes, he had to be catcher for an inning. that gear swallowed him up. definitely not what he wants to play.

this will be a big part of our life for the next couple of months. one practice and one to two games a week...he's loving it though.

almost there.

2011-03-22T15:29:00.000-06:00

i went to the doctor today. after waiting over two hours because she got called out for an emergency c-section...again...she pushed on my belly and said baby girl is still head down. yay! and then she checked my cervix. i'm dilated to between two and three centimeters right now. we have the induction scheduled for next wednesday, march 30, if mya's stubborn enough to wait that long. i truly believe she is. :)

this all leads me to the true reality that this is actually happening. for so long, i felt like it was forever away. now we're just over a week out...at the most. i have quite the to-do list going for before she arrives. not much of it involves actual preparation for her, just things i'd like to have done so i don't have to worry about them once she gets here. still, i'm starting to get a little nervous.

i mean, i'm going to have a GIRL! i still can't believe it.

i absolutely cannot wait to see her sweet face. and to know what color her hair is going to be. :)

soon you will be in my arms, baby girl. soon.

maternity pictures

2011-03-15T14:54:00.000-06:00

just so i could say i had some taken, i asked jenny to get a few maternity shots before mya decides to make her appearance. i LOVE them! the light was amazing, and of course, jenny was right on.

there are a few more...i just haven't made it to editing them yet.

a few new additions.

2011-03-08T15:47:00.000-06:00

in the past few weeks, i've added a few things to mya's nursery. mostly thanks to my mom who's a shopping finatic. and remember, there's a trip to san antonio coming this weekend. i'm sure i will have many more things to add following that. for now, take a look at the most recent additions.

the first two sets of pictures are new crib sheets. i got the fabric from hobby lobby and our dear friend wendy loaned me her sewing skills and transformed the fabric into crib sheets. she did an amazing job! they fit perfectly.

then we have freshly washed onesies and sleepers. this drawer is all newborn stuff. some of it is long sleeve. the way the weather's been going lately, i don't see it being worn much. that first stack is short sleeved onesies...only about 10 of them. i'll be adding to that.

this drawer is the bigger stuff...from 3 months on up. again, lots of sleepers, not alot of onesies.

and then there's the blankets. the majority of these are aden + anais blankets. super thin and adorable. that gray one is actually just a piece of jersey fabric that i plan to use for newborn pictures.

her closet is looking much better. again, thanks to my mom. and that chair on the right was actually my great or great-great grandmother's. whichever it belonged to, it's old. that blanket is one that i recently found at a garage sale. i just like the look of it.

on another note, i had my 36-week check up today. my doctor is unable to tell whether mya is head up or head down at the moment. she can feel something round and hard at the top of my belly and also something round and hard at the bottom of my belly. now, for me, my thoughts automatically go to head size. if my doctor can't tell her head and butt apart by the size, it could either be really good or really bad. if she has my butt...bad. if she has jerry's...good. i'm hoping for the latter. :)

i go back in a week. at that time she'll do an ultrasound to determine how she's facing. if she's head down, we're good. if not, she's going to try to turn her. i'm not at all thrilled with that idea. i don't know what it entails, but it doesn't sound pleasant. of course, the alternative would be a c-section. i just want a healthy, baby girl. whatever course we have to take to accomplish that, we'll do. i'd just like it to be the easier, more natural one. :) pray for that, please.

a plan.

2011-02-22T15:04:00.000-06:00

tomorrow i will be 34 weeks pregnant. it seriously feels like i should be at least 38 weeks. i'm just so ready. SO ready.

i went to the doctor today. before my appointment, i considered calling labor and delivery because i noticed mya's activity had decreased quite a bit compared to any other day. for a while, i just sat and pushed on my belly. i could feel her body, but nothing i did would get her to move. i was a little freaked out, to say the least. she finally gave me a kick and i had a slight sense of relief.

i went in at my normal time and told the nurse what was going on. anytime you say "decreased activity" when you're pregnant, you apparently get to be hooked up to a monitor for 20 or 30 minutes. it wasn't a bad deal considering my doctor 's on-call days are tuesdays and she had been called over to the hospital for a while anyway.

turns out, everything was okay. mya was apparently just sleeping well...something she rarely does. seriously. the child is always moving. nonetheless, heart rate was good, and she was moving more while i was hooked up to the monitor. doctor said she's an a+ baby. :)

she asked if i had any questions. i immediately said, "what are the chances of inducing early?" i'm in no hurry, as you can see.

she said we could induce at 39 weeks, which would be march 30. it's on the books. done.

so long as my body is "ready", that is.

so, that's the plan...as of now.

i've had two inductions so far and don't really foresee this pregnancy being any different. i'd kinda like to have the whole surprise labor starting experience, but i'm not willing to wait for it. :)

again, i'm in absolutely no hurry.

ha!

finally.

2011-02-15T17:45:00.001-06:00

after posting on saturday that the bedding should arrive sometime that day, it only figures that it didn't. in fact, it didn't make it until yesterday. i've been stalking the ups website for over two weeks now waiting for it to come in. so frustrating.

but it's here now. so, without further ado, i present to you mya's (almost complete, but still lacking a few small detail items) nursery.

the view from the door and a close-up of the poms hanging from the ceiling. jerry is totally paranoid about one of these things falling from the ceiling and mya getting caught in the monofilament they're hanging from. touchy subject. :)

the long-awaited bedding. i LOVE it! the ivory bumper and skirt are perfectly simple against the printed sheet. i plan to acquire a couple of other sheets in different patterns to have for back-up when accidents happen.

close-up of the sheet print. it's amy butler fabric. if you've never looked at her collection, you should!

view from the other side of the crib.

some of the wall decor. this looks much smaller in the picture. in reality, it takes up the majority of the largest wall in her room. i'm in love with the whole arrangement. i still need more "stuff" for the dresser. i just need new places to shop. hopefully an upcoming trip to san antonio will solve that.

the inside of her toybox currently filled with random stuff...bottles, blankets, sleepers, toys, etc.

other wall decor. this shelf hangs over the right corner of her bed next to a large mirror. i'm not totally satisfied with it, but this is the stuff i have to occupy it for now. the basket with the miniature poms hangs next to the closet door.

the top drawer of the changing table (which i realized i didn't post a picture of and probably won't because i'm too lazy right now to take one, edit it and insert it in this post) is filled with the tiniest diapers ever. it's amazing how so many details get forgotten as your kids grow up. i can't imagine her being so small that she will need these tiny things.

this shelf hangs to the right of her closet door, and this "m" hangs over the left corner of her crib above the blue side table shown in a previous post.

and last is the poorest excuse for a girl's closet i have ever seen. i'm not sure what's wrong with me. other than not having a ton of extra money to spend right now, i can see no other reason why i have not filled this thing to the brim with girls' clothes. again, hopefully that san antonio trip will solve this.

so the nursery is definitely on it's way to being ready for my girl. i would not be in any way heartbroken if she decided to arrive before i get it finished. :)

more valentine's stuff.

2011-02-15T17:18:00.000-06:00

seeing as how i am officially a stay-at-home mom now, i've tried to embrace the role. i'm still learning how to cope without a set routine everyday, and that will most definitely be worse once this girl gets here...if ever! :) nonetheless, i've really tried to play the part, especially when it comes to the boys' school. i make cupcakes and go on field trips and attend all of their parties. valentine's was no exception.

i decided i would make the boys' valentines this year...right down to the envelopes. i had a different plan in mind, but couldn't find the right supplies, so this is what we ended up with.

6-inch square pieces of valentine-themed scrapbook paper. (6-inch because my paper is 12 in x 12 in, and all i did was fold it in half and half again and then cut. no measuring.)

plain white cardstock rectangles...for simplicity.

valentine's m&m's. i probably ate all of these after i took the picture.

wallet-sized valentine cards of my sweet boys. i made a "be mine" sign and took pictures of them on our bed. the black, white and gray decor in our room just seemed to go well. plus their bare feet were totally cute.

scissors, pencil and two-sided tape.

valentine's stickers to seal the envelopes.

i folded the paper to form the envelopes...it really wasn't as tedious as i thought it was going to be to make 40+ of these darling things. i stuffed in a valentine and had jacob count out 14 m&m's to put in each. (he got the reasoning right away...smart boy. :))

we sealed the envelope with the sticker.

i had jacob pre-write the names, and then we taped them to the front of the envelopes. silver is his favorite color. i guess we should add a silver marker to the supply list.

and we ended up with this cute stack of handmade valentines.

success.

valentine's fun.

2011-02-15T11:36:00.000-06:00

me, my boys, some flimsy letters, and a self timer...this is the best we could get after multiple attempts.

it was part of jerry's valentine from us.

almost an update.

2011-02-11T08:36:00.000-06:00

Mya's bedding should be in today! It apparently got stuck in "adverse weather conditions" in Mesquite.

I can't wait! The room will be more on the complete side than not. Once it's in and I'm positive I'm in love with it, I'll post full nursery pics.

Now, all we need is a baby girl. My readiness (read: totally-over-pregnancy attitude) is a whole other post.

casen's third birthday.

2011-02-01T16:28:00.000-06:00

the birthday boy.

his big present.

playing with jacob and his cousins, jaycee and garet.

the cake.

that spiderman actually spun around the cake. too cool.

the food setup.

lots of kids on that trampoline. surprisingly, i think we made it without one injury. :)

he's a little dramatic.

cheesy!

quite excited about lightning mcqueen.

and money. :)

i don't think he had even seen what this was at this point. just happy to be opening presents. :)

sleepy boy.

hey, mom does exist! :)

snow day.

2011-02-01T11:22:00.000-06:00

i was quite excited this morning when my alarm went off at 6 and i checked the saisd site to find out school was delayed 2 hours. for us, if saisd is delayed, my boys don't go to school at all. seeing as how they are only there til 1:30 at the latest, there's not much point in going anyway.

needless to say, i rolled back over and went to sleep...for a short time. jacob was up soon after that amazed by the snow.

as much as i HATE cold weather, i do have two little boys and keeping them inside all day long while there's snow sitting on the ground outside is just torture...for both of us. :)

so we bundled up and went out.

they, of course, began by tasting the snow.

jacob then attempted to make a snow angel. the snow was incredibly hard since we had a mix of rain, sleet and snow last night. not very good snow to play in.

then they threw very small snow balls at each other.

they then decided maybe they should stomp on the snow to break it up. good idea.

sweet boys.

another failed attempt at a snow angel.

guess who he's coming for now!

stinker!

they finished with more snow tasting, and then we came in to thaw out.

jacob asked if he could do this again when it snowed...next year...certainly! :)

mya adley

2011-01-28T13:30:00.001-06:00

here's a very long video (15 minutes, to be exact) mostly of our sweet baby girl's face. she was smashed up against me the whole time and refused to move. stubborn girl already. feel free to fast forward. there's also some pictures at the beginning of her taking measurements and proving that she's still a girl. :) the sonographer did say she currently weighs 3 pounds 5 ounces and is measuring right on track...30 weeks 1 day. oh, and she also said she has a rather "round" head and chubby cheeks. (i think that's code for big.)

usps.

2011-01-26T17:10:00.000-06:00

I seem to be having an issue with our postal service delivering casen's birthday invitations. I know of at least two people who never got theirs and I got another one returned to me today.
So, if you normally attend my kids' birthday parties and you haven't gotten an invitation, sorry!

Here's the info...

This Saturday
4:00 pm
Our house

See ya there!

the latest little details.

2011-01-20T14:52:00.001-06:00

on a freezing cold hunt today through an antique shop, i found this. i believe it will adorn the dresser and hold other future findings.

then there's this. i actually ordered this from etsy. probably the first of many i plan to acquire.

and then there's this...my treasure. this doll was given to me by my great uncle before i ever left the hospital in 1981...yes, when i was born. that would make her almost 30 years old. she's soft and adorable and i can still remember the smell that she kept for years. of course, she's a little tattered and stained, but she's one of the only things i have from my childhood. like me, my mom likes change. and she has six kids. keeping too many keepsakes for each child would require her to have a whole separate house to store it all. :)

so i have this baby doll. i don't think i ever gave her a name...just baby. and now she will be my girl's baby. i can't wait.

let the decorating begin.

2011-01-17T15:51:00.002-06:00

i'm really struggling right now trying to figure out the exact look i want for mya's room. i've perused a million websites (not much of an exaggeration) and i'm just not finding the look i want. i guess i shouldn't expect another person to have the exact nursery i have pictured in my head right now. nonetheless, that has not hindered me from hours of searching.

anyway, the furniture is all in. i think it's placed where it will stay. now i just need to decorate. i'm at a loss on the bedding. i really just want it to be a creamy, ivory color. no frills or fuss. i also want it to be a reasonable price. that's where it gets tough. but that topic is for a whole other post.

on to today.

here are some things i found...as a start.

a vintage story book and jar (which i plan to fill with colorful buttons or something) and a not-so-vintage "m". and then, of course, the table that they're sitting on. the first picture is a more accurat portrayal of color than the second. (which could bring in a whole other topic of how i've been taking more pictures with my phone lately than my camera. we're not going there now.)
i don't necessarily picture these things staying on this table. in fact, i believe they will more likely be on a shelf on the wall. i am picturing the possibility of a cute lamp or something. along with other things i hope to find soon.

i would also like to find a chair. not necessarily a "nursery chair" for being comfortable when she wakes at night, but something that will just look pretty sitting in the corner of the room. i'm not sure how keen jerry is on my decorating direction right now, but hopefully it will all come together and he'll be impressed.

i do have some prints that i ordered for the walls. as soon as i finish this post, i plan to begin the framing process. again, i have a vision, i just need to get it going.

so, expect further nursery updates as i accomplish small tasks. i'm coming to the realization that even though i feel like i have forever before she gets here, if i don't get a move on, i'm going to have a baby with no bedding and a half-decorated nursery.

be back soon...

a new start.

2011-01-16T10:42:00.002-06:00

so, yeah...it's been a while.

i'm not going to go into all the things that have been missed since i last posted...which was in august. rather, i'm just going to start from here.

i had contemplating switching to a new blog at one point, mainly for bigger picture posting, which makes up the majority of my posts. the transition just seemed too complicated. trying to get the new address out there, add it to blog rolls, etc. etc. i give up.

i'm staying here.

plus, my husband is really annoyed with the whole facebook thing and misses my blog. so i'm going to make a point to start anew. and for the next few months, our time with him will be minimal, so keeping him connected through this is important.

here's to a new start...in the blogging world anyway. :)

my own personal band

2010-08-28T20:53:00.001-05:00

check it out here.

new blog...maybe.

2010-08-04T13:41:00.004-05:00

you've probably seen on jenny's blog the switch to a new one.

we've also been working on a new sprinkle one from the same place but are still working out the kinks.

i'm thinking of moving mine there also, just because it's so much easier for pictures! and with the recent disney trip, i need easy!

so take a look!

crystaldramirez.myfotojournal.com

(plus, i have no idea what this photobucket thing is that's floating around on here!!)

disney world...day 1

2010-07-26T11:34:00.002-05:00

handsome boys

2010-06-17T21:39:00.002-05:00

how can they be so cute apart yet so goofy together?! this is the best attempt at getting a picture of them anywhere near each other. sad, i know.

so the rest will be of them apart...as usual.

sea world

2010-06-17T21:28:00.003-05:00

we took a mini vacation a couple of weeks ago to san antonio. we stayed at a hotel on the riverwalk one night and then with kylah for the next two. much fun!

this was jacob's second trip to sea world and casen's first. they had a blast! and we had fun watching them!

casen obviously looks thrilled here. :) he was probably pouting because jacob got out of the car first...a daily fight in the ramirez household.

casen was too scared to get in the picture.

can you see casen clinging to jerry? i'm telling you...terrified!

we did NOT sit in the splash zone. i just can't make myself do it.

this was jacob's first roller coaster ride ever. he was quite thrilled. actually, this was his second. he rode it once earlier in the day, but i didn't get a picture. he was with jerry, and i was busy looking for one of the bands to my wedding ring. i'll give you one guess who was responsible...casen! a whole other story. :)

the new do...

2010-06-17T14:06:00.001-05:00

and then there's this...

2010-06-05T16:25:00.003-05:00

we just got home a little while ago from a mini vacation.

as we're unpacking, i'm trying to pick up the house at the same time. i'm rearranging things on shelves and putting things away.

i was reorganizing the pile of things we have on our nightstand.

i picked up my bible to move it and noticed and ant on it. (that's a whole other story.) anyway, i shook my bible to get the ant off and a small envelope fell out.

the envelope was from one of our women's retreats. it simply said "my beloved" on the front.

i pulled out the card inside and it read, "my eyes and affections are upon you now."

i remember being at the retreat and getting that card and thinking, how does this apply to me now? i struggled with the meaning then.

but man, i get it now.

how appropriate. how perfect. how simply...Him.

i opened my bible to put it into some random spot and i came to the book of Numbers. i started reading through and remembered that in my older bible, the one that has ALL the notes and underlines, and highlights in it that i had marked a specific portion of Numbers. my current bible is the Message version. i couldn't easily recognize the verse so i went and pulled out my other bible. i immediately found it.

Numbers 6:22 - 27 (NKJV)

22 And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying: "Speak to Aaron and his sons, saying, 'This is the way you shall bless the children of Israel. Say to them: 24 "The Lord bless you and keep you; 25 The Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; 26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.'" 27 "So they shall put my name on the children of Israel, and I will bless them."

all i could do was smile.

what an awesome God we serve.

making it.

2010-05-31T15:38:00.003-05:00

i have thought up this post about a thousand times in the last week, but i've never had the courage to actually type it.

i haven't because it would mean that the nightmare that i've been in is actually real.

there's no waking up from this one with an overwhelming sense of relief that it was all a dream. not this time.

this time it's all real.

it's been exactly one week since i found out that my baby's heart had stopped beating. it happened sometime around 8 1/2 weeks. we didn't find out until this past monday.

i still can't really put into words what i felt when the doctor told us. i was in shock. still am, i guess.

one day i was rejoicing about how much better i felt. the nausea had subsided. the next day, i was finding out that was the first clue that something was wrong.

it crossed my mind when i woke up one morning and just felt better. i could actually eat breakfast. i worried for a moment. but then i pushed those thoughts to the back and convinced myself that it was normal for me to feel better. i was almost 10 weeks. i wasn't nauseated long with casen. it seemed to be okay.

it wasn't.

for two weeks, something had been very wrong. and i had no clue.

for a mom, that's pretty hard to take. how could i not know? shouldn't i have had that intuition? i try not to go there. i know nothing that i did or didn't do caused this. but man, it's hard.

it's just hard.

it's hard to not be angry. it's hard to not just fall into myself and away from everyone. it's hard to be reminded mutliple times a day by the physical effects that come with it. it's hard to see the bruises from the multiple attempts at an iv. it's hard to hear my 4-year old say he's sad because he's not going to have a baby sister. it's hard to see my husband hurting when everyone is so concerned with me. it's hard to smile when i feel guilty because it seems like it's too soon to think of anything else. it's hard to see the smiles drop from the faces of those who have just figured out what happened as they talk to me. it's hard to tell my 2-year old no when he points to my belly and says "baby". it's hard to not ask why. it's hard to not ask why me.

and it's hard to accept the fact that God knows something that we don't.

i know sometime in the future, a post will come about peace. God is our comforter, our savior, our healer. i have total faith in Him.

until that peace comes, i'll just be making it.

six years...plus one day.

2010-05-23T08:52:00.002-05:00

yesterday, jerry and i celebrated our sixth anniversary.

the statement, "time flies when you're having fun" is so, so true.

of course, time also flies when you have kids.

and when you both work.

and when you're dealing with sickness all the time.

and when you love someone so much, you can't help but want every second with him to last an eternity.

jerry,
this has totally been us for the last six years. it's been a whirlwind, but i wouldn't want to be in this thing we call our life with anyone but you. i find myself loving you more everyday than the day before...if that's possible. i can't wait to see what the future holds in store for us next.

happy anniversary,
crystal

13 days

2010-05-12T07:41:00.002-05:00

school days, that is.

until i'm officially a stay-at-home mom.

i still can't believe it.

reminiscing

2010-05-05T09:02:00.001-05:00

i was looking back through my first posts on my blog this morning and came across this.
can you believe it??
my baby is so big now!
i don't even know what else to say...

it's official

2010-05-03T11:40:00.001-05:00

due december 15.

it's been a crazy roller coaster ride already!

i hope this is not a preview of what's to come.

are these not the most handsome boys in the world?!

2010-04-25T17:02:00.001-05:00

totally want something from this place.

2010-04-12T08:54:00.002-05:00

www.threesistersjewelrydesign.com

i don't know what...but something!

happy birthday!

2010-04-09T07:48:00.003-05:00

to my wonderful husband!

he's finally caught up with me in age. :)

i love you so much and can't imagine any part of my life without you. you are such a joy to me and our boys. they absolutely adore you. i totally know why. i hope that we can make today as special for you as you make every other day special for us.

happy birthday!

i love you!

thursday.

2010-03-29T09:06:00.002-06:00

thursday is 3 days away.
thursday is the day casen will have surgery.
thursday is the day they will remove his adenoids and possibly replace the tubes in his ears.
thursday is the day we've been waiting for.
thursday is the day the infections will go away and his asthma will be somewhat, if not totally alleviated.
thursday is the day my baby will finally be healed.
thursday.

and more...

2010-03-22T16:50:00.003-06:00

of 2 out of my 3 favorite boys in the world!

want to smile?

2010-03-20T20:06:00.003-06:00

want to cry?

2010-03-19T14:41:00.001-06:00

go here.

and if you want all the background information, go here.

and when you go there, you need to especially read this.

wow.

wow!

2010-03-16T14:13:00.002-06:00

if this girl were my daughter, i would be so broke. lucky for me, she's my niece, and i always have the privilege of capturing her cuteness!

growing up

2010-02-23T14:44:00.002-06:00

does my child not look gigantic here?

this picture makes me think of some teenage boy. it makes me sad.

oh, how i am so totally and utterly AMAZED!

2010-02-22T17:06:00.002-06:00

in case you haven't read my blog in the last 24 hours, read this first then come back for the update.

so here's the whole story...

i'm a little ashamed to admit that i didn't divulge every detail of the situation in my previous post. i was still a little scared about putting it all out there.

not...any...more!

for the past two sundays, i've had major meltdowns during worship. i've just been so frustrated and upset and mad and tired and just plain lacking. so much so that two sundays ago, i turned to greet sheena. she simply asked, "how are the boys?" and that's all it took. tears flowed like a raging rain storm.

this sunday, as lennon was giving his "ask big" pre-sermon, i just broke down again. i knew i had asked God to makes my boys better before, but i also knew that i never really believed it would happen. those things happen in others' lives. not mine.

but this time...this time i put it all on the line. i asked God to fully heal them. not just for now, but forever. now, i don't expect them to never be sick again, but a cold...i can handle that. i'm talking about this ridiculous, recurring asthma/ear infection junk. take it. take it for good. and then i went even further. i asked that it not be somewhere down the road. i want it today (monday).

you see, i knew casen had a check up with his ear, nose and throat doctor today to evaluate his tubes that we had put in just about a year ago this week. i asked that our answer come then. no more wondering. no more waiting. now.

i left work about 3:50. his appointment was at 3:45. i knew they'd have to wait a little while. i went fully expecting to hear a word from God. a word that said your son is healed.

we finally get in to see the doc about 4:15. we explain that casen has still had at least 8 infections since getting his tubes last year. the doc was surprised.

with tubes, it's supposed to reduce ear infections to maybe one, if any after they're put in. certainly not 8. one of the tubes is getting ready to fall out.

the doc comes back with, i think we should take his adenoids out.

never in this time have i had any sense of panic or fear. i have total peace.

apparently, the adenoids can be kinda like a nest for infections. by removing them, not only should the infections cease, but with casen having asthma, those symptoms should improve dramatically, if not go away completely.

peace. complete, overwhelming peace.

this was our word. this was our amazing work from God.

is it the way we would've dreamed it? no. i'd much rather just have a miraculous healing and be done. but i'll take it.

God gave us doctors for a reason. in this case, this doctor will be the vessel in which my baby boy is healed.

so, on april 1, my baby will undergo another minor surgery. they'll take his adenoids and possibly replace the tubes with another set. this will be the answer.

obviously, this only takes care of one of my babies. but i know that He has amazing things in store for the other one too.

i know, that i know, that i know, this is it.

in less than a day, God has proven himself amazing.

simply amazing.

Lord, I'm amazed by You.

2010-02-21T16:09:00.003-06:00

this morning in church, lennon made it a point to say, "are you? are you amazed by Him?" how many times to do we sing this song just to sing? do we really mean it?

of course i mean it. of course i do...in reference to other people's lives. has God done wonderful things in my life? yes! has it been something that i sit back and say, "wow! that was amazing! that was God!" not really.

i know this is sounding a little harsh. it's not meant to be. the truth is, i've never had any issues that have really required an amazing move from God. my life following Him has been pretty smooth.

until now.

now, it's no longer about me. now, i have a husband. now, i have kids. now, i have unsaved family members. now, i have people i come in contact with everyday who do not know Him.

i KNOW Him. i KNOW He's amazing. i KNOW He performs miracles. i KNOW He is willing and capable.

all of this why?

because now i'm in need of something amazing. i NEED an amazing work from God.

i'm asking that my children be healed. totally, completely, never again returning, healed.

lennon said that so many times, our faith is so lacking that we don't "ask big". you have no idea how true that is for me. i "ask safe". God, in your time, heal them. in your time, let this happen. in your time, if it is your will, let this happen. this way, when it doesn't happen right away, i can either say, "it's not His time right now." or "it's not His will right now." either way, i've been answered.

why? because God has performed miracles in others' lives. He's healed. He's restored. He's saved.

i've never required this.

until now.

i've been struggling lately with not being strong enough. with people seeing me dealing with my sick babies and not handling it well. with people thinking, "man, she's a christian. she follows God. yet look how stressed she is. look how much she has to deal with. why would i want that?"

i don't want that anymore. i want people to look at me and think, "look how awesome her life is. no matter what happens, she KNOWS God is in control. she's following Him and He's performing miracles in her life. i WANT what she has. i want Him." i now fully understand that i'm not meant to be strong all of the time...but He is. when i'm not, He is. and that's okay. He's waiting for me to say, "i NEED you." i need you. He can be strong for me. that's what i want others to see. even though i'm not enough, He is.

so i'm asking...no, i'm believing healing will come. i've dropped my safety net. i'm stepping over my pride. i'm putting every ounce of faith i have out there.

MY God, the Alpha and the Omega, the All Knowing, the One, the Savior, the Comforter, the Redeemer, the Healer...His next amazing work is in MY children.

in Jesus name.

happy birthday, casen!

2010-02-06T16:13:00.002-06:00

you'd never know they were sick...

2010-01-18T21:26:00.003-06:00

another trip to the doctor today. poor babies just can't catch a break. it's quite sad that they're so used to being sick that it doesn't slow them down a bit.

happy new year!

2010-01-01T09:57:00.002-06:00

a rare pic of me and my hubby. hopefully this is a sign there will be many more this year!

a white christmas indeed.

2009-12-28T14:48:00.002-06:00

we went to my parents' to spend christmas eve with them. this is what we woke up to that morning. notice the faint car headlights in the background.

once the snow stopped falling and the wind stopped blowing 40 mph, this is what it looked like. i would've liked to have taken so many more pictures, but this was from the middle of their garage. i couldn't go much farther than that without stepping into a foot of snow...literally.

jacob and his cousin lexi had to experience it. they didn't last long. :)

in the spirit of christmas...

2009-12-20T20:03:00.003-06:00

i see you...